hate.you.so

Prayers II

2006-01-25T21:42:00.000-08:00

Life is like a journey through a certain road.

You walk through it.
Then you stumble.
Then you pick yourself up.
And then you walk again.

If you stumble and don't pick yourself up,
Then you'll never know how to move on in life.

Prayers

2006-01-24T04:39:00.000-08:00

At the end of all this,
Who am I left with?

End

2006-01-20T14:47:00.000-08:00

Funny isn't it, how God gave me life, and asked me to choose: To be tortured to the point I'd rather die; or to lose everything I hold dear.

If there's any word to describe my life, it will be irony, no other.

Isn't it ironic, the more I try to leave, the more I got caught up.

Isn't it ironic, to love someone and be hated in return.

Isn't it ironic, how you want me to be happy while you're stabbing my back.

Isn't it ironic, the more faith I trust, the more lies I see.

Isn't it ironic, the more truths I see, the lesser the wisdom.

Isn't it ironic, the less I want to hurt you, the more you are hurt.

Isn't it ironic, the less I want to hurt you, the more I am hurt.

Isn't it ironic, in a fight to have everything, I lost everything.

Sorry but this blog has to close, you've seen the end of my story.
Thank you so much for being a constant reader of my blog, I'm sorry that the story could not have a happy ending because it doesn't deserve one.

I love you two.
But I'm just a human.

Life hurts

2006-01-12T02:38:00.000-08:00

Life...
Why does it hurt so much?

There I was thinking that someone has robbed me off my happiness. Ironically it turns out that I was robbing hers instead. I think you know who you are. I don't know what to think... really. I told you before, every decision I did seems to be wrong. Since no matter what I choose is always wrong.. then let me just take that decision. I know you are still hurt, somehow, no matter how little or how big. I'm really sorry. In order to gain back my happiness, I've probably hurt you even more. Can't help feeling guilty. Please, be happy for yourself, no matter how you going to do it. It's okay, I've given up my happiness, so you can't possibly take it away, because I don't have happiness anymore. And it's really 100% NOT your fault. I'm not trying to copy Nic's blog but.. yeah I too miss the time we had last time, before all these happened. I still remember the day we were waiting for taxi.. me you nic evelyn.. it was a funny and memorable experience.. that the stupid taxi driver just drove pass us after waiting for 30 mins.......... I don't know why I'm saying all this...... maybe I just want to go back to that time... when I still could feel alive....

And to you. You, I felt that you were my best friend regardless whether or not you considered me as one as well. Last time I simply took you for granted... I only considered you someone who will play games together, talk and crap together and expected nothing more... until one day, when suddenly I realized when you were gone, I have no one to play games with, no one to talk and crap to. That's when I realized you are a friend I needed to support me.. and somehow I became dependant on you yeah. I felt that sometimes I demanded you, indirectly, to make me happy. I was too concerned about my own happiness that I forgotten... that making me happy maybe makes you unhappy, somehow. Yes, I miss the times when you sms me if I'm not online, just to check where I was. Yes, I remember how you resisted to play Dota just so you could accompany me play another game. You've done a lot for me, and so much more. You have done enough to tell me that my life can be happy too. I'm sorry to have hurt you and caused to much unhappiness in your life despite what you have done for me... but I'm thankful to have you as a friend. It's time I take my hands off you and.. make you happy. But I'm not the one who can make you happy. I think you've found the one who can make you happy.. and I'm happy for you. Thanks bro.... thanks.

Hurts

2006-01-09T23:12:00.000-08:00

Haiz.
It's been a few months now that I haven't been sleeping well.
My heart hurts before I sleep.
My heart pains even more when I wake up.

I also not sure why...
This past few months have been my worst nightmare.
The last time my close friends left me, I was only depressed for one week.
Now I have been under depression for two months and more.

Akarad told me a lot of people worry that I will turn like my sister and get the same illness. Sometimes I think it's karma. Around the middle of year 2005.. I have taken my happiness for granted. I looked at my sister's condition and I thought, "why she so weak? like that only also depressed". Ya I said that because... at that time I had someone who supported me. Just that I didn't realise. And yaa Max. I was there for you when you needed a friend, and then I left you just like that. Sorry Max. I've gotten my punishment.

Haiz I have to go and do my project now although I want to blog more about how I feel. I will blog more later when I have the time. I will blog about it until I get bored and until I can finally sleep well.

Err..

2006-01-08T12:00:00.000-08:00

Yesterday went to talk things out...
Now I can sort of see the links clearer lah.
But I understand liao, can I accept?
I hope I can, and please help me with it...

Special Msg To Nicholas (aka Maria):
Oi, why don't you try this... everytime you don't answer a call or don't reply an sms, throw your phone onto the wall. Then maybe you will start replying ppl's sms. WAHAHA

Fucked up

2006-01-06T21:12:00.000-08:00

Thanks mom, I hate you too.
Want to know your biggest mistake?
I am your biggest mistake.

Life is fucked up.
Just fucking let me die already.

Fate

2006-01-06T02:23:00.000-08:00

Dear blog,

Everything's as normal again today. Or is it?
Tommorow's TP Marathon Day where people from each course can sign up to run 1km with Dr William Tan =_=" who the hell is that you ask me, I also dunno. Unfortunately because my course is very small, everyone is to participate in the running. God I hope it rains tommorow just before we start off, I don't feel like running. It's been a long time since I blog about what's happening around my life, and I think only I know why I'm back to doing this. Well.. things do happen and things will change one day. Afterall they said change is the only unchanging thing in this world.

Some damages were irrepairable.
I have seen betrayal at its worst, it happened to me.
I can paint a rainbow colour over a rotten piece of wood and make it look nice, but underneath I know it will always be a rotten piece of wood. You can pretend to be there for me, but I know your heart has gone away.

Now I have no one. Alone again, like I used to be.
It's a curse.
It's my fate.

Thanks for making me lonely.

zzz

2006-01-04T15:14:00.000-08:00

I also dunno what to say...
I just want everything to be back as normal

What I want

2006-01-03T07:03:00.000-08:00

What I want?
What I want is for everything to go back to the way it used to be, long ago.
I know it's impossible cuz things will change, things must change.
Some people come, some people go.

It wasn't because of new year's eve thing or whatever that this happened. That dota thing or maple thing is juz a small thing. The real problem is already there before that. As long as the problem is there, we be friends also no use. Will end up quarrel again very often. I also cannot solve the problem. I already tried but in the end the problem keeps coming back.

So dun ask me what I want.
What I'm doing is not what I want, is what I have to do.

I'm very tired of quarreling le.

You

2006-01-02T14:36:00.000-08:00

I think u still dont fucking understand. What you say totally contradict what you do.
You say to you a friend is someone who will be by your side when you're feeling down an share with that person PROVIDED that person wanna share it with you? Then why 99% of the time when I try to tell you I'm feeling down, you PURPOSELY go away from me and ask other people to cheer me up instead? If this is how you care for your friend, then I got nothing to say. Like that what for I come to you to say my problems? Might as well I go straight to people who know will cheer me up.

As for you, whenever you feeling down you always dun share with me. You go and share it with other people instead. Or you keep to yourself. Like that what for I be beside you when you don't want to tell me anything and just keep me in the dark? I know got one time you asked me to call and I didn't call, I really regret like hell, and it's not as if I wouldn't call.

Before I meet you in Xmas I also duno how you look like. I also don't care how you look like. I only asked you out because I thought you are my friend. Why I belanja you much, you think I purposely want to make you paiseh? Purposely want to make you feel as if you owe me money? FUCK IT LOH. I spend so much IS TO MAKE YOU HAPPY!?? Why did I want to u happy? Because it was very difficult to make you come out with me, I know you feel very sian and unhappy that I force you to come out, I dont want you to feel even more unhappy because you spent a lot of money. You go out also is becuz it's my "xmas present", if not you also won't go out genuinely.

Then before New Year dunno why u suddenly ignore me for nothing. Then you also don't want to tell me why. I'm the type of person when got smth small happen I will think a lot although I don't look like. You know just because of that I feel very down my whole new year eve until now even. You don't want to talk to me then sui bian ba. I also cannot force you to do what I want. I also don't see the point of asking you why u don't want talk. I really tired of finding out why le. You go try put yourself in my shoe, when suddenly someone impt to you ignore u and dun tell you why. You got feel happy mah?

You always don't care when I feeling down, ask other people to cheer me up instead cuz u too busy for me. You also never tell me anything but tell other ppl instead, becuz u don't want me to find out and irritate you by talking to you. Then I ask you, like that got any point to still call us friends? You say I happy happy anyhow say silent gdbye, you think I really happy? If I happy why I cry last night? You want me to be your friend, but u don't want to treat me like one, YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL? I don't only feel sad. I feel ashamed, useless, and I feel that I irritating. You know that almost everyday you make me feel like that? Now you know why I want to leave? You still think I suka suka leave you like I don't care how u feel? It's not really because you got new friend or whatever. But when you find a new friend who is better than ur old friend, you don't care your old friend le. You think I so free to wait until u get bored with your new friend then see if you still want your old friend?

I also very surprised, juz last week u went out with me like gd friend, and suddenly the next week so many problems come out. I know mostly is my fault, but you all also got do mistake ma. But if you all want to think it's all my mistake then sui bian loh. At least at the very end I still tried to fight to get my friend back. You don't even try to do anything. If people never tell me u got blog, I also won't be writing this le. I wanted to have no quarrel and leave quietly, but if you want to end with scolding me also can. U have what you want, I also cant always follow what you want. I still got a lot of things to write, but I write will make people fall aslp only.

Before I end this I want to say you have been important to me because last time you were always there for me when I feel sad and last time you also wanted me to care for you, until someone else comes along. It's ok if you forgot all that I also can't force you to remember. Everything I do I only want to make you happy. I'm glad that you are farking "happy" now, take it as my new year present ba. Bye.

2006

2006-01-01T15:43:00.000-08:00

"To have given a knife to the person you trust the most,
and to have been stabbed at the back by that very knife."

Hello 2006.
New year's eve was quite a so-so event.
Went out with Akarad, Ting, Ling, JJ, Shern to eat "dinner" at pastamania, then went to meet the canoeing people at K-pool. Also set out to see Bernard and gave him his belated Xmas present.. lol. Then the canoeing people wanted to play lan at parklane.. then halfway walking there... met the 2004 4e1 ppl then I kana spray like hell... thanks ar -_-"

Then after that went to dota with canoeing people at peninsula plaza.. wasn't free lanning no more, cuz December's over. Then after that find Nich n Cheryl at a club.. Nicholas directed us to the wrong place -.-" so me and Akarad had to walk veeeeery far to find them. The club reeked of smoke. Go inside very misty. A lot of weird people doing weird stuff.. Nich wanted to do pole dance on the stage.. and I saw Phillip there.. surprisingly he recognized me.. after the bar closed there was this old lady went looking for her son and thought I was her son... zzzz.. after that Marcus, Nicholas, Akarad went over to stay at my house to watch Chinese Tall Stories.. but then the subtitle is in Mandarin which I think is kinda dumb, because the characters already speak Chinese? So.. only watch a bit then went to watch other shows.. we watched a super lame ass horror movie which looked more like a comedy show to us.

I didn't get enough sleep. My bed was damn squeezy, super cold, cannot move...eurgh.. now no mood to sleep so I blogged my stuff anyway..

New Year 2006's Resolutions:
1. To work harder for my school.
2. Improve my Dota skill.
3. *To be more aware when looking for someone to make gd friend with.
4. To keep my one and only 2007 resolution.

Exactly one year ago, I still remember. Me and Nich was like saying we shouldn't celebrate new year that merrily because there was that Tsunami case, but on that day I remember we had more fun than this this year. That day, I did not have someone I called best friend yet. Then I went to look for one; which I think was one of the biggest mistakes of my life. Yes, I regret knowing you. Make me dependant on you so that I would fall when you leave. Make me happy so that I will feel sadder when you leave. I enjoyed knowing you, which is why I regret knowing you. You told me to think if it would make you happy if I leave. I honestly don't have an answer to this, I would like to assume it's a no, but it was more likely a yes. I'll never know the answer anyway. It's a silent goodbye.

I'll say the same thing I said last year, I hope this year will be a better one.

My hell

2005-12-29T17:06:00.000-08:00

Unfair. So unfair.
So many times I've tried to help people change for the better.
Why won't anyone help me change for the better??
HELP ME CHANGE, for God's sake.
I don't want to be who I am anymore.

Or maybe..

I'll just run hiding someplace else.
A place where neither happiness nor sadness exist.
A place where all souls rest.

Somebody once said;
"If you have been to hell, everywhere else is heaven"
Well, I've been to hell but I don't see heaven anywhere.
That's because I can never get out of this hell.

If

2005-12-24T12:54:00.000-08:00

I am so stupid.
Brainless.
Insensitive.
I wish I was also emotionless.

Everything I choose to do is always a mistake.

I only wanted everybody to be happy...
But instead I made everybody sad.

If I could turn back time, I would wish that 19 years ago I wasn't born.
Maybe it'd be better for my friends.
Maybe it'd be better for my family.
Not maybe, but surely.

I"m sorry I ruined everyone's life.

My Thanks #2

2005-12-17T14:39:00.000-08:00

Thank you Vanessa, for sharing your experience with me.
Thank you Angel, for opening my thoughts.
Thank you Siew Fong, for the times you tried to cheer me up.
Thank you Wei Siang, for the concern that I didn't expect.
Thank you Samantha, for sharing the bitterness of reality.
Thank you Max, for always, always being there.
Thank you Junjie, for not scolding me =x
Thank you Akarad, for being my friend.
Thank you Ritz, for hanging out with me.
Thank you Constance, for the little helps you gave me.
Thank you Shern Wei, for being an asswipe joker.
Thank you Fiona, for having me remembered, friends always yeah?
Thank you Nicholas, for the little talks and jokes we shared.
Thank you Yishi, you were there when I was feeling the most down.
Thank you Chee Ee, for providing entertainment and someone to talk to.
Thank you Kwa, for being very supportive and helpful.
Thank you Marcus, for being a good disciple.

Thank you to the rest of my friends, who were there for me.
It's funny, there are people who care for me when I didn't expect them to.
And it's ironic, the people whom I expect to care for me, were never there for me.

Some people say I think too much.
Yeah because I think, it's not worth living your life if you don't think about it. It's like existing for the sake of existing, taking it for granted. On the other hand, if you don't live your life to the fullest, then it's not worth thinking.

I feel a tad bit stronger now.

Wrong

2005-12-07T23:58:00.000-08:00

I've made so many wrong decisions these few days.. so many mistakes.. what's the meaning of this? Maybe I'm no longer worthy of the conscience God gave me.. to all my friends.. my family.. I'm sorry.. sorry for not being good enough a person.. sorry for not being able to make it up... sorry for everything... sorry for existing...

Enrai

2005-11-29T14:35:00.000-08:00

Enrai
by Do As Infinity

sukima nai nyuudougumo no shita
ano hi wa haha to futari
higasa o sashite te o hikare
aruiteta natsu no michi

semishigure ni kiesou na koe de
nando mo itta
"minna hitori de ikite yuku mono
furikaeranai"

osanasugiru watashi wa kitto
kotaerarenai koto o kiki
anata no senaka de itsu shika
nemutteta naki mo sezu

kore kara kuru yuudachi no yokan
hibiku enrai
are kara no watashitachi o maru de
uranau you na

ano hi no anata ni chikadzuite
hajimete wakaru
totsuzen shagamikonde nagashita
saigo no namida

anata no kimochi
ano natsu no nioi

======
Distant Thunder

That day, under the seamless storm clouds*1
Just mom and me, the 2 of us.
Putting up our parasol Being led by the hand
We walked The path of summer

Her voice, almost disappearing into the chirping of the crickets said,
over and over again,
"Everyone goes through life alone
Never looking back"

Being too young then, I surely
Asked of matters unanswerable.
Before I knew it, I lay asleep upon your back
without even crying

A premonition of a sudden evening shower that'll come our way from here on
The echoing of distant thunder
As if it were foretelling the future for both of us from then on.

Getting closer to how you were that day,
I begin to understand.
Those last tears of yours,
shed as you squatted down on the ground.

Your feelings...
The scent of that summer...

Unhyralized

2005-11-25T23:37:00.000-08:00

Today been a fcuked up day.
So many things really MESSED UP today...
Haiz I'm not gonna explain what happened la.

Life is getting tougher by the day.
I have a family whom I hate, but they don't hate me.
I have friends I care for, but they don't care about me.
I have friends I don't care for, but they care about me.
I have a life, of which loses its meaning slowly but surely.

I know that everyday, I grow weaker, and maybe I'll still keep acting tough.
If I were to given a chance of another lifetime, I'd like to be a person who's ugly, poor, stupid, but lives a simple and happy life. That's all I want; happiness. I can't even remember when was the last time I was happy.

That's all I've got to say. If you are thinking "oh this guy complains a lot, what a loser", you might just be right.

Uglification!!

2005-11-23T16:35:00.000-08:00

Zzz. I have officially lost the "modelling" competition 'Natsu no Shounen' which translates into Summer Boys. It's not because I lost that I'm quite unsatisfied.. it's because I lost to someone sooo EX and BHK. An acting-jap uglified Phillipino (no offense to Phillipinos, but this one's ugly)!

Here's his pic..

See, I told you he's ugly. Got warts on his face somemore.

But nevertheless I gained quite a fan club and they wanted me to join again next year.. mwahah.
Okay enough about making fun. As I was writing this entry, my lecturer called my HP. Basically he scolded me cuz I was too lazy to bother about my job attachment. Here's the summarized conversation:

Me: "Hello?"
Lecturer: "Oie. KH here. How your SIP?"
Me: (gasp) "Eh.. um.. oh.. I emailed them already then their reply was blablabla."
Lec: "Huh? I dun understand. Did you call them?"
Me: "I emailed them yadda yadda and they said yadda yadda."
Lec: "Did you CALL them."
Me: "Erm no.. email only."
Lec: "Aiyah, u know u muz call cuz yadda yadda blablablablabla. If you blablablabla then I will yadda yadda yadda yadda yadda... you got me or not"
Me: "Err.. okay.. I will call them."
Lec: "You will call them TODAY. Report to me by tommorow."
Me: "Alrighty then.."

Haiz. There goes my happy off-day wednesday. Talking about off-day. Nicholas is heavily disturbed by the fact that I have no school, while he has to go school at 9am until 9pm. Wah Nic.. u spend more time in school than at home.. so fun huh? =x (I can hear him screaming "EX! EX!!!")

Well then I have to try calling my company now. Bye for now!

"For once, I would like to be weak so I can feel your strength."

Unglorified

2005-11-21T23:23:00.000-08:00

OH MY TIAN!
Today...
I got one of the biggest shock in my life...
I lost in a game of Marvel vs Capcom!!!!
Against COMPUTER!!!!!!!

*moment of silence*

Okay. Sigh. I never lost a match in M vs C before since, like, 12 year old. 6 years of M vs C glory put down by a stupid computer player laa!! Okay maybe it was because I now off-form already ba. But I will gain back my form. Next game to master will be.. Guilty Gear XX! I will master it and surpass the pro players at ZoneX. Woohoo! So exciting. Like Akarad said.. I'm born to play fighting game.. and I'm not about to make him take back his words.

Games r0x my world.

Torn

2005-11-16T13:03:00.000-08:00

You can tear a piece a paper, and then tape it back to make it look like one piece again.
But it will never be the same piece of paper. You can decorate that paper, cover the torn lines, or whatever to make it look better, but deep under the tear still exists. You can pretend it didn't happen, but it's hard to try to forget it.

Then, someday, someone will come along and tell you that it's okay. And hands you a new piece of paper.

Zzz..

2005-11-15T08:34:00.000-08:00

How You Are In Love

You take a while to fall in love with someone. Trust takes time.

You give and take equally in relationships.

You tend to get very attached when you're with someone. You want to see your love all the time.

You love your partner unconditionally and don't try to make them change.

You are fickle and tend to fall out of love easily. You bounce from romance to romance.

How Are You In Love?

I'm a loser

2005-11-14T20:46:00.000-08:00

Went to school, stress with school works.
Go back home, even more stress with family problems and friends problems.

Life is too tough.
Life is too painful to live.
God, I want to meet you already.
Faster erase me from this world.

If my life is a story book, it will be one that ends halfway through the story.

Look on the inside..

2005-11-13T16:17:00.000-08:00

First I would like to give a personal thanks to Yishi for talking to me yesterday.. really kinda touching.. if only you are still single.. =p But seriously, she's a nice person. If I'm the type of person who tells you about the dark things in life, she would be the opposite. Thanks once again.

Next to people I've ever hurt, purposely or unintentionally, I'm really sorry. I'm just retarded pathetic idiot.. so it's okay if ever you want to wish a car would run onto me this very day. I wouldn't hate you, I'd thank you a million times from up there. This world doesn't need an extra idiot to add on to its burden.

Yesterday I went out the whole night.. went to play LAN from 6pm to 10.30pm, zzz. Not satisfied. Kana bullied by stupid Jiahan. And Dota pro-ster Keiths. But as far as I'm concerned, a full house match like this is always fun. More interactive than when I'm playing at home. At least more happening, can forget about my problems at home. After lanning.. went to eat "dinner" at KFC with Karad, Karad's bro, Nic, Keiths, Ritz, Junjie, Jiahan.. but didn't eat much also. Still no appetite, cuz someone really really made me feel disgusted.

Ahh now I'm talking to my so called ex when I was 2e2.. she is now in Seattle, WA. That's in USA if you didn't know. She's in a university.. studying Chemical Engineering.. and quite happily having a boyfriend (sad.. lol). I wonder if she still keeps the necklace and teddy bear I gave her.. oh my God ~ I feel so paiseh now.. I was so childish. And still am. Time flies so fast, I don't know where am I standing, and I don't know what is happening. The world's so ahead of me.

If life is a music, then my life is the one note that is out of tune.

A Deeper Grieve

2005-11-12T15:01:00.000-08:00

Last nite I had zero sleep again. A practical mixture of anger, sadness, disappointment was all that was in my head. It is exactly like that time after O' level result came out, when my best friends were going to go to JC while I was going to Poly. I still remember, I barely eat anything everyday for like a month. Absolutely no appetite, no mood to play any game.

Exactly what I'm feeling (again) right now. I don't understand why either.. and only one person know about this. I hate it when my best friends want to leave me. I hate it when I'm forced to leave my best friends. Or is it.. the fear of being lonely? You have not one bit of clue how I fear loneliness. Much much more than death. If it wasn't for my parents, I probably would have chosen to stay eternally in a quiet, solemn mortuary. I never want to hurt my mom by killing myself.

Am I wrong to say that.. because I'm afraid to be left by my friends, I choose to not have any? But more so that I am afraid of solitude. People who are reading this and care, please don't let me be alone. At least till I'm ready to die...

Why would God create a life that is seemingly ever so sad, it never stops bringing tears to people. I'll tell you why. Sometimes God takes those closest to us, because it makes him feel better about himself. He's a very vengeful God. He's all pissed off about something that we did a thousand years ago, He can't just get over it. It doesn't matter who he takes from us, friends, parents, as long as it makes us sad.

Then why did God give us something start with? Well, look at it this way. If you want to make a baby cry, first you give him a lollipop, and then you take it away. If you never gave him a lollipop to begin with, then he would have nothing to cry about. That's like God, who gives us life and love and help, just so he can tear it all away and make us cry.

If my life was a video game, I'd hit the restart button and start anew.

Torture begins

2005-11-07T21:23:00.000-08:00

HAIZ.
School's started. My MS bandit is only level 59 - thanks to the time-awastin' trip back to "beloved" homeland. First let me begin with my new timetable -- I quite love it, almost flawless except for one day:

Monday
13.00-15.00 // Communicating Design Arguments
15.00-17.00 // Introduction to Sociology (Lecture)
18.00-19.00 // Introduction to Sociology (Tutorial)

Tuesday
10.00-11.00 // APEL 2 (Wtf!? Journey from home and back is 2hrs+)

Wednesday
OFF DAY!~~~

Thursday
09.00-12.00 // Video-Editing Workshop

Friday
09.00 - 12.00 & 13.00 - 17.00 // PID Project 2

Total 17 hours of class. Not bad lah.

Next thing. Okay so my course manager sent me an email, saying that I and somebody from my course have been nominated to participate in a paper-recycling competition. And that somebody is the person I haaaaaatttteeeeee the most in the whole of TP!!! (Geez I hope he's not reading my blog). Totally gave me a headache ah.

So today I went to confront Helen, my course manager, that I would like to withdraw from the competition as it was not within my awareness that I got in in the first place. And her reply was, "Why? Why? Why? Why?". As expected la. Then I gave her some crap-ass excuses that I think even a dumb man wouldn't believe. She said she has to find a replacement -- and just nice Jason was there (he was accompanying me). And then TIO. She said Jason taking my place. ROFL!! It's just his bad luck lah. Jason didn't want to. Helen also didn't really give a damn, she left us and hid someplace. Now I'm still stuck at helping Jason find a replacement?

Few days ago I did my first comic-strip coloring, inspired by Nich. Here's Gaara for you:

to (Click to enlarge)

Oops. Eyeliner too thick. Nevermind lah still sexaye. Not bad lah hor. Took me 4-5 hours, did it while playing Maple. Okay then, that's all for today! Tired already, woke up early today.

Camwhoring

2005-10-23T04:28:00.000-07:00

Camwhoring

I just got myself a $30 made-in-cheena webcam which I think shoots a good, sharp image. As you can probably tell, I got me cam-whoring right away. Give me a couple of days and I might be able to retrieve the narcissistic-king title Nicholas had taken from me. Gogo cheap cheena products!

(Random info: For the price of only $0.20, you can buy yourself one of the best food in java; Nasi Opor.)

Alone

2005-10-18T19:47:00.000-07:00

I'm.. alone again? Nvm ba.. I've always been alone.
God created people for a purpose.. and my purpose in life, maybe just for God to play His cruel jokes on me.. other than that, I swear I don't see any other purpose in my life..

I don't wanna live past 30 - and when I die, I hope God will have a good laugh.

New skin - Gaara

2005-10-15T05:30:00.000-07:00

Woo! New skin!
This template is using the dynamic box thingy.
Credit partially goes to Nicholas Cheong.

Gotta run! Cya all sometime soon!

Sanity? What's that?

2005-10-04T22:36:00.000-07:00

Hello world.
My sister has returned from "place-for-the-depressed" hospital.
Now that she's back, she is more nuts than ever!

Okay.
She asked her bf to propose her. *gasp*
They haven't been together for even a year yet.
And I heard she said "don't need to study already la.. I want to get married" or something like that.

MY GOD!

If there's anything lacking in this world, it's sanity. Sanity, I tell you.

Cover the truth

2005-09-22T22:40:00.000-07:00

Haiz.. sorry people that I haven't blogged as I promised to. I've been playing Maple Story all day long ever since my semester ended about 2 weeks ago.. however now I can blog because I really have no mood to play.

My family (parents + sis) went back to Indo on my last day of school, until today. I experienced like, total freedom -- no one orders me around at home, and I don't need to see my sis' bf like ALMOST EVERYDAY. But then suddenly they are all back here in Singapore. As wrong as I think it should be, I feel like I'm not really happy that they're here. The moment my dad stepped into the house he already ordered me around. Then still got my sick sister.. in Singapore she attempted suicide 2 times, whereby she wanna slit her own wrist with kitchen knife. Then when she went back to Indo my mom told me she wanna jump down from the house 3rd floor balcony. She cried every morning. Not that I'm heartless or anything, but it's really annoying, her never-think-of-consequences acts. I wish she gets well soon, just so that my parents won't make such a fuss about it no more. My mom keeps telling me to be more tolerant to my sis because she is sick. Haiz. I don't know what to do.

Then there is this girl, MX, in my school, who usually seeks advice from me when she's having problems (yes I can be a good counsellor, damn you). But then this guy called WS is jealous of me because he thinks that MX likes me. Naturally, my presence will kinda piss him off. Funny how someone can hate you even if you don't do anything at all.

I feel suddenly depressed just now. Some people turn to me when they have problems.. but where do I turn to when I got problems.. I can't possibly solve all of my own problems right. But then I always keep my problems to myself these days. Because I have no one to talk it to, or at least no one whom I think would unselfishly listen to me. Honestly, people only care about themselves. Telling other people about your problems will actually bore them, although they pretend to be interested. I know a lot of my friends take me for granted. Hmm what the hell am I talking about.. I don't even know anymore. At this point of time, I find life meaningless.

(And you thought I don't have any problems in life. I busy myself with games because I don't want to think of my problems)

Edit: WS, in case u r reading this, know that MX does not like me, nor do I have any feelings for her. Hope that will clarify what you need to know.

Fucked life

2005-08-31T22:59:00.000-07:00

Wah really frustating. I now rushing my projects. Doing my CAID at my computer, then my relatives from Indonesia just nice come over to visit. Damn irritating. Ask a lot of questions one, then keep me off of my concentration. DAMN IRRITATING! My parents also here in Singapore. My dad ah, he 24/7 always want to find trouble with me one. He cannot sleep if haven't scold me for one day. What the hell lah. FUCKING LEAVE ME ALONE LA. You think I so free!? You think I in good mood to 24/7 spare my patience for you!?? I'm really feeling "What the hell!!" right now. Somemore I doing my CAID project just now, they thought I PLAYING GAME! Fuck it lah. Just because he's the breadwinner.

10pm in school, I thought of coming back to a comfortable home. I was wrong. I should have stayed in school.

Edit:
WAH LAU. I Rushing my project. Then my dad ask me go help him do work!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !^%@$!^@$$#@$#@$!!!!!!!!!

Seventh Month

2005-08-20T02:23:00.000-07:00

Today when I was whistling to a song, I could amost hear somebody else behind me also whistling. But there wasn't anyone. Oh boy...

Jeopardy

2005-08-15T23:00:00.000-07:00

Hello people.
I'm here to tell you that I won't be hollering by my blog for some time due to my hectic schedule. Please wait until 2nd of September 2005, where my socializing activities can resume. Oh and by the way there's a major misfortune that has befallen my life. My ever-so-loyal laptop is now SPOILT. A damaged hard disk. I dropped the whole fkin laptop, that's why. Now all my files all gone, and more than half of my digital portfolio is inside there. Argh! It's been a week since the day I sent it for repair and the repair guy is yet to call me back. *shakes head*

At least from this I've learnt to appreciate my desktop.

fat n00b/n3rd/f4g

2005-07-27T20:26:00.000-07:00

Omg my course's yr 1 students = bastards!
We caught one of them bad-mouthing and accusing the year 2s, you faggit!
That guy said the year 2s never clean up the place (workshop) after we used it, when we DID clean it up. It so happened that the other year 1s were dirtying the place up, but that faggit blame it to the year 2s! WHAT THE FUCK!??

Please lah. We've been in TP more than twice as long than you have been there. Newcomers telling the seniors what's right and wrong in TP.. you might as well teach a bird how to fly.

Fucking pissed.

Somemore the guy who said it was like a fat n00b/n3rd/f4g. Kenneth almost wanted to confront him.

Then days ago there was this yr 1 girl who apparently forgot that sentences require a fullstop. She can talk for 2 hrs full without a break. Irritating, but tolerable.

Today I've lost respect for the year 1s, although not all of them are bad people. It's plain stereotyping. And if ever they cross the boundary for the second time, I'll really give them a show. Indonesia isn't known for its rioting for nothing! It's clobberin' time.

Open your sore eyes

2005-07-15T21:07:00.000-07:00

This will be one of my last entries.................... until 2nd of September, at least. Cuz I'll really be like, damn busy. Gonna have to double up on my projects. It's like that, it's always been like that...

Anyways, you really have to read this entry until the end.

Recently I've been watching a few documentary-like movies which are inspired by true story. Hotel Rwanda and Osama are really good movies to watch and to learn from. They teach you how to value your liberty and morality. These movies also tell you how, by the way, fortunate we really are, compared to those people in Rwanda or Afghanistan. The fact that you are reading this entry here right now, already makes you 10% of the happiest people around the world. 90% of the world live in poverty, and you aren't one of them. And when I talk about poverty, it's not like not having enough money to watch movie. I'm talking about, not having a house with a decent walls and rooftop, not having enough bread to eat everyday, not having enough money to cure a simple fever. While you are there complaining that your allowance is the lowest among your classmates, children in afghanistan have to fucking work their ass off just to get enough bread to feed themselves. Don't even talk about school. And yes, it's happening even TODAY in this very world of yours!

Even here in blessed land of Singapore, misfortunes do happen.

-Ian, for example, had just lost his brother, and his parents are divorced, he lives with his mom. He still smiled the last time I met him, I hope it was genuine. I really pray for his well-being, he certainly deserves better.

-Siewfong's boyfriend, has step-parent that loathes him so, and he barely has enough allowance to have a complete meal everyday, and has to work to accomodate his education fees.

-My mom's friend, Aunt Lena, just got sacked from her work, because some jealous biatch blackmailed her. Aunt Lena is like a damn hardworking person and an honest one. She is divorced, and her son rarely seen his father at all. But she has a good son who cares about her mom. He offered to stop schooling so that his mom wouldn't have to work until so late everyday to get money. He said he would work so she can rest at home. In his room there is an air-con which he never used, because he figured it would mean more money to pay. Now that his mom is jobless, they both are wondering, how are they going to keep up with the oh-so-high tax fees. Where the hell is justice when we need one.

Now I openly said all these not to downgrade other people, but it is to open your sore eyes and learn from these people's lives. I hope you have at least learned that you are fortunate. If you people are still schooling and tell me you are unfortunate, I will fucking laugh my ass off for you. You have no idea how difficult it is to find a job, one that is decent enough to feed your mouth everyday. I'm really pissed off with people who claim that their life is miserable, when their parents pay for their school fees, and they have an air-con installed in every corner of the house, a titanic-sized television to enjoy, an expensive bed to sleep on. While these spoiled brats spend their money for useless things (claiming that they are to compensate their "misfortune "), other kids of the same age work their ass off to survive.

Now, although I only see my parents 3-6 days every month, I still think I'm a damn lucky person. Just because I don't have all that I want, it does not mean that I'm unfortunate. I am fortunate, because at least I have one of the things that I want. Like seriously, you are not as unlucky as you think you are. You are just wayyyy too spoiled.

"Death is too easy an alternative, it's living that puts you through hell."
- my own quote lahz, lol.

Lobstarr

2005-07-09T23:25:00.000-07:00

Without realizing, this is already my 110th entry.

Today was a looooooooong short day. I went to four places.

Went to school to take stupid exam. Wah lau, not bragging but it was damn easy.
Lecturer Faridah is like very friendly.

Then went to Sentosa - Siloso Beach, with my Poly friends. Forced to suntan. After 3 hours of meat-cooking session, I become quite roasted. Don't say hi to Mr. Tanned, say hi to Mr. Lobster. Due to my suntanning-noobness, half my skin wasn't tanned. I'm partially black partially white. Wanna play chess on my backside? Amos is a sick fuck, he tanned with only his boxers. He is so fair he practically camouflaged with the white sand.

The sun was like DAMN bright.

Amos the flasharr.

Next up was the cinema - watching Fantastic Four. The movie is nice but it felt kinda short. I prefer this than War of the World! Nicholas was like wearing the same shirt/pants as me. As in same color. Then our bags are Deuter. Then also wear sunglasses. What the hell! Super copycat! You another shamelessly-take-self-pics sick fuck! Lol.

Then went to the Dhoby Ghaut MRT arcade with Nich they all. Saw Suet Nee playing drummania with her bf.. wah damn cool! Female drummer. And she's like, damn good. I played Xmen vs Street Fighter.. very old game. My Wolverine is still undefeatable lah. Reminds me of the good ol' days, in Parklane, where I practically conquered the Marvel vs Capcom machine! Loller. Then I saw this fat guy gracefully dancing to the tune of Para-para. Msg me on MSN for the video clip. Got my voice scolding Nich also, lol.

Today tommorow

2005-07-08T01:28:00.000-07:00

No matter your name,
No matter your color,
White, green, red, blue,
Today tommorow I'll still love you.
===================

Oh my holiness!! It's Friday =)
Friday Friday Friday Friday.
I love you so. Mwahaha okay I'm not on drugs.

This week been a good week, nevertheless a tiring one.
Like I topped 2 out of my 6 subjects. How is that not good. How am I not to brag!?
Hehehehe. And then and then, I just upped my DTX Dragon Blade rank from D to A!!
Can't wait to play the real thing pls.

Time is 1.25am. Just in 7 hours 35 mins I'll be in school, and... =)
I'm happy and excited despite all else.

Leaving you here.

(Random note: Ayumi Hamasaki is one of the most spectaculer performers)

Hiding away

2005-07-06T23:42:00.000-07:00

Mom and dad, please stop fighting?
Dad, please stop making mom cry?
Mom, please stop accusing dad?

It hurts me.

"Friday"

2005-07-05T22:57:00.000-07:00

Dear Friday,

I know you've been staring at me when you have the chance, because I've been doing the same.
Are you gonna be another passer-by, or are you here to stay?
Is it the beginning, or will it end before it even starts?
I only know,
It's you I want.
====================

Hello people. Due to overabundant assignment, my entry today will be in point form =)

-Today I saw "Friday", bloody happy
-Thanks to Nich for DTXMania - bloody addictive
-I completed long version of Dragon Blade (with the help of autobass tho), I'm so proud
-I thought I'd screw up in marketing class, but I didn't really
-My parents bought me Zen Neeon from HK, ugly design but I love it
-PCOMDI Final presentation on thurs, I'm so screwed
-PIDP1 class haven't done much, I'm extremely screwed
-My hair is fugly long, hoping to cut by tommorow

God is not here, today

2005-07-02T07:12:00.000-07:00

A 19-YEAR-OLD full-time National Serviceman died in hospital yesterday after collapsing during a casual jog on Pulau Tekong.

Sergeant Ong Peng Ghee, a section instructor, was jogging around the Basic Military Training Centre with colleagues when he collapsed at 8.45am.

The Defence Ministry said he was given immediate medical attention and evacuated by helicopter to the Singapore General Hospital at about 9.30am. But he died an hour later.

Ong is the third Singapore Armed Forces personnel to die at an army camp in the past two weeks. On June 15, regular serviceman Ong Jia Hui, 24, went missing during training in Changi Naval Base waters. He was found and given immediate medical attention but died in hospital. A week later, another regular serviceman - Second Warrant Officer Teh Kok Lian, 39 - collapsed and died during a routine run at Jurong Camp. - Channel NewsAsia

Source: http://www.todayonline.com/articles/58977.asp
--------------------------

I don't understand, why out of all people it had to happen to Ian's family. Yes Ong Peng Ghee is Ian Ong's (late) brother. It isn't as if he had not have enough misfortunes in his life. Anyways, my deepest condolences for Ian and his family.

(Ian was one of my closest friends back then in BHSS. He doesn't deserve this kind of fate. I wonder if God is here, today...)

Reality can be overly sad

2005-06-29T16:54:00.000-07:00

OMFG!
Okay calm down don't get scared. I know it is scary.
This is a typical pic of Friendster ~~biatch~~ girls. For some REALLYYYY strange reason, they usually add a caption under it; "cute", "ke-ai". And for some REALLYYYY strange reason, they are the only ones who think it's cute. I think it's scary. Honestly.

From the picture & caption we can deduct, either that:
1. they don't know how to take proper pic;
2. their eng-gu-rish is sooo bad they don't know the difference between cute and scary;
3. despite their HUGEWANGKAH eyes, they can't see the eerie-ness of their own pic (bad eyesight suspected);
4. they might be having severe gum infection that their cheeks practically BLEW UP;
5. apparently they can't differentiate a hamster from a beast.

(Pic has been manipulated with PS CS. The intention is to save the face....err save the identity of the owner. There is damn bloody face to save.)

Now that you've witnessed some terrifying picture, here's one to refresh your eyes:

Just an update on myself..

2005-06-27T23:53:00.000-07:00

I repositioned everything in my blog so the my posts can be better read.

Ahh anyways. Today is Monday. As usual, in Web Publishing class I became the "lecturer" cuz my real lecturer is blur sotong (no offense Mr Choy, but you are really blur sotong... okay fine that was an offense).

This week a bit slack lah, no assignment to hand in. Next week is term test for Web Publishing. Why am I telling you? No lah just making a note for myself. Hurhur. I am a pig. I am a sad pig. Hmm speaking of NEXT WEEK.. next week is the last week of this term.. meaning the week after that is holiday.. "weee"? No way. After term break, it's 24/7 mugging until September 2nd. Total mugging I tell you. Every night will be a sleepless night. Every lesson must fkin present project. Huge eyebags. Pimples invasion. UGLY FACE.

Remind me again why I enter design school.

Oh yeah..

Cuz I like pretty pictures. And here's one:

Taken from my school window. Kirei ne?

Kay till then, perturbing ones.

A song for XX

2005-06-25T02:52:00.000-07:00

(Since I love you people so much, I give you the lyric of my favourite song ok! Check out the translation.)

A song for XX - Ayumi Hamasaki

doushite naite iru no
doushite mayotte ru no
doushite tachidomaru no
nee oshiete
itsu kara otona ni naru
itsu made kodomo de ii no
doko kara hashitte kite
nee doko made hashiru no

ibasho ga nakatta mitsukaranakatta
mirai ni wa kitai dekiru no ka wakarazu ni

itsu mo tsuyoi ko da ne tte iware tsudsukete'ta
nakanaide erai ne tte homeraretari shite ita yo
sonna kotoba hitotsu mo nozonde'nakatta
dakara wakaranai furi wo shite ita

doushite waratte ru no
doushite soba ni iru no
doushite hanarete'ku no
nee oshiete
itsu kara tsuyoku natta
itsu kara yowasa kanjita
itsu made matte ireba
wakariaeru hi ga kuru

mou hi ga noboru ne sorosoro ikanakya
itsu made mo onaji tokoro ni wa irarenai

hito o shinjiru koto tte itsu ka ura kirare
hanetsukerareru koto to onaji to omotte ita yo
ano koro sonna chikara doko ni mo nakatta
kitto ironna koto shirisugite'ta

itsu mo tsuyoi ko da ne tte iwaretsudsukete'ta
nakanaide erai ne tte homeraretari shite ita yo
sonna fuu ni mawari ga ieba iu hodo ni
warau koto sae kutsuu ni natte'ta

hitori kiri de umarete hitori kiri de ikite iku
kitto sonna mainichi ga atarimae to omotte'ta

(translation)

Why am I crying?
Why am I lost?
Why did I stop?
Please tell me
When will I grow up?
How long can I stay a child?
Where have I come running from?
Where am I running to?

I had no place to live. I couldn't find one.
I don't know if I could have any hope for the future.

They always said I was a strong child.
They praised me, saying "you must be strong to not cry."
I didn't want those words at all.
So I pretended not to understand.

Why are you laughing?
Why are you by my side?
Why are you leaving me?
Please tell me.
When did you become strong?
Since when have you felt weakness?
How long must you wait
for the day you understand to come?

The sun is rising. I must go soon.
I can't stay in the same place forever.

You will someday be betrayed by your trust in people.
I thought it was the same as being rejected.
At the time I didn't have that kind of strength.
I definitely knew too much.

They always said I was a strong child.
They praised me, saying "you must be strong not to cry."
The more people said things like that,
the more even laughing became agony.

I was born alone. I'll go on living alone.
I thought that surely that kind of life is appropriate.

(And that's why I love this song so much. This song is soooo ME.)

A discman is what I am

2005-06-24T17:32:00.000-07:00

The day mp3 player was invented, people started ignoring discman. Even if you had loved your discman so much, you'll forget about it when someone got you an mp3 player.
People always want something better and when they got it, all else that were useful to them get ignored. Such is human nature.
There are times when I dislike being a human; sometimes I'd rather be an ant. First of all, I don't need to feel anything. Second, if I want to die I'll just go pop myself out on the street.

(Yes yes today I pon school. So what.)

Sea God

2005-06-23T00:58:00.000-07:00

Dear God,

This week I've hurt many people's feelings. I seek for Your forgiveness. Don't let envy take control over me, don't let hatred enter my heart, and if ever I lose control over myself again, take me away before I start hurting others.

Hey, the blog's song can actually soothe my wrecked feelings. Awhile ago, my heart felt so in pain. So suffocating that if I hadn't take a deep sigh I'd probably die. Oh, about the song, in case you didn't know/cannot hear it, it's titled Sea God, an instrumental song by S.E.N.S. Such a masterpiece can. My new blogskin also came about from the inspiration I drew after listening to that song. Aiyah I still got one work to finish before I sleep so I'd better stop yakking. See you dearest people around. Remind me to blog on weekends. Oh I'm not forgetting to welcome RITZ and NICHOLAS to the DOTA world. Welcome, welcome!

"I saved you when the world turns its back on you,
but who'll come and save me then,
who'll come and take my hand?
That it seems I'm all alone again,
this sorrow just wouldn't end"

Uncreation

2005-06-20T02:39:00.000-07:00

What good is food that you can't eat?
What good is money that you can't spend?
What good is a heart that cannot love?

God must have been playing a prank on me.

Creation

2005-06-20T01:56:00.000-07:00

Say bye to my old blogskin.
SAY HI TO YUNA!

Sound so me

2005-06-16T22:00:00.000-07:00

This article is subject to change.

My likes:

My friends
My family
My PC
My PS2
Drawing
Designing
Socializing
Reasoning
Playing PC game
Sleeping irregularly
Being different
Being weird
Being loved
Getting attention
Music
Singing (you don't want to be my neighbour)
Lying
Playing pool
Ayumi Hamasaki
Gothic-ism
Punk rock-ism
Night time
Midnight movies
Martial arts
Gossiping (woohoo)
Competition
Outwitting people
Watching anime

My dislikes:

School
Being demanded
Being on the losing side in a competition
Negativity
Negative people
Smokers
Smart alecs
Braggarts
People who don't realize they can't sing
Manner-less people
People who are good at everything
Sore losers
Metrosexuals
Hippies
Act cute girls
Act cool guys
Weariness
Morning time
Having to wake up early
People who make my mom sad
People who cheat on my dad
Being forced to think
Disrespect

Costumers are the bosses

2005-06-15T19:55:00.000-07:00

14-15 June 2005 chalet, officially the cramp-est chalet I ever went. The Downtown East chalet room was xtremely small, 2 single beds with 2 pull-out beds. How many people were there? 20. And then people were taking turns to sleep. And then at night, around 3am, our fcuking neighbour called out the admin people because we were too noisy and they claimed they couldnt sleep. The admin even threatened to kick us out. Like, w00t the fcuk?? We are your customers, and costumers are the bosses. No customer = no business = bankrupt. Eat my @R$3.

Heng ah, down there they have a lanshop nearby. Only that it has weird timing system and it's 4 bucks an hour. The lanshop only got 16 coms. Before the lanshop opens, there were like 20-30 people queueing but we secured our seats thanks to 1 hour advance queueing. We had a nice 5v5 games of dota, although half the time the server screwed up and caused a major waste of time. I enjoyed it, very much, not because I was owning or anything, but because the people there are fun! Lol. Lots of funny funny stuff.

Oh ya, forgot to take pics for Cheryl! Sorry ah.
Next time lah hor.

Naive, narrow-minded boy

2005-06-08T20:56:00.000-07:00

Dear fearfulness,

Argh! Now that I have so much works to do, I won't have the time to post what I promised to post. Might have to wait until weekends! Aye, I'm excited when I hear "weekends". Just because. Anyway, I'm entering the third week of school, 92 more days till I break free once again, but for now, I'll bury myself with projects. Today in school, PID year 2 students had a meeting with lecturers. Helen (my fav PID lecturer) said, if ever we feel it's a drag to come to school because the course does not interest us, feel free to grab a pink form (is a school withdrawal form) from the General Office. Before it's too late. Then I thought to myself. How nice it is to be free from school, no projects, can watch tv, play game, and have enough sleep everyday. Ding dong, WRONG. It is semi-impossible to find a decent job if you don't have a diploma. Unless, you have a huge talent like singing, playing music instrument, modelling, writing, etc. Even then, you still need a portfolio which documents your works for proof.

As with the beginning of the new semester, my parents have paid a rough total of 20k bucks for my school. Dropping school? Nah, don't even think.

I hate you

2005-06-04T04:37:00.000-07:00

And when I'm sad, who'll be there to comfort me...

No one.

Stupidity is commonplace

2005-05-30T01:29:00.000-07:00

Zzz.. Today play *dota, none of the games went right. 4 screwed up games, make me pissed off. "Heal my mana", "mana!!", I'm not your fucking fountain lah! If you want me to heal your mana, fucking ask nicely, not demand like that's what I'm supposed to do. I don't take orders, dammit.

The stupid tagboard also. Now cannot tag anything already. Soooo louya ok. Anyone knows a tagboard that works? MSN me ok..

Btw this is just a meaningless entry.. just wanted to cool off my temper some. I might be doing one of these topics for my next entry: Basic of religion, My likes & dislikes list, or Schizophrenia. Most likely will be the second one. I'm telling you, my dislikes list will be long as hell. Well till then, beloved people..

*dota: a custom map from the real-time strategy game Warcraft III

You are fucking dumb

2005-05-23T17:28:00.000-07:00

Dear emptiness,

Today is a bad day. Somebody pissed me off real bad when I was playing game. My parents forced me to go eat dinner outside with them when my whole body is aching. My maid, I called her 3 fucking times when she was like 3 metres away from me and she couldn't fucking hear me. What a pissed-off day.

Why is it, when people is a bit more intelligent than other people, they like to go boasting to no end? Why do they feel so fucking superior?

Intelligence. I tell you what. When you are intelligent, it doesn't you're smart. You can be super intelligent and fucking dumb at the same time. Those flying colours on your exam certificates do not define your future survivability. You have to be smart to survive. When I talk about survivability it does not always only mean money. Sure, to live you need to have money. But if your life isn't happy, you are better off dead. Would you rather be the richest and saddest man in the whole world, or the poorest and happiest man?

Anyway. I just want to give you a piece of advice. If you are very intelligent, don't go boasting off like those mr. I-know-it-all, those retards okay. Cause people who show off like that are not worth a shit in my book.

Surreal

2005-05-20T03:18:00.000-07:00

Pronunciation: su'reeul
[adj] resembling a dream;
[adj] characterized by fantastic imagery and incongruous juxtapositions

My mother is a strong woman. She can overcome obstacles so difficult even I will break upon it. She will always be someone I look up to infinitely. My mother, she is a strong woman.

Howdy people! Ugh, my new timetable is out. Two months of holiday flew past so hastily, now here we are again at the starting line of the race. I know I can make it. My friends will always be there for me, nice people that's what they are. The subjects I got were: Professional Communication Design Ideas, Product and Industrial Design Project 1, Product Engineering Principles, Computer-Aided Industrial Design 1, Web Publishing (to be changed), Darkroom Processes (to be dropped). I hope I have time for CCA. Talking about CCA, Music Vox is still viable option, BUT THEN.. stupid Nich changed his mind and now he wants to join the stupid Student Union CCA.. nessun commento, man. Cheryl also following him. Btw result from the poll is telling me nobody thinks I should join badminton.. You think I suck at badminton is it! Well. I do lah. So it's either music vox, taekwondo, or stuck at no CCA again.

Well this entry is to end here; I think if I blog too many topics at once it will bore the reader.

"Kore wa tada no yume no tsuzuki no monogatari de,
Atashi wa mada me ga sametenai dake to itte" - Memorial Address

Immature-ish

2005-05-15T06:07:00.000-07:00

So here it is, my last week of holiday. School's gonna open soon; for the better or the worse I can't tell. I'm sure it'll be a different year than the last one because my friends are coming to TP (you know who you are) and I think that's so cool. You guys can like, challenge me pool. HAHA kidding! By the way I'm really looking for a CCA to join, I don't wanna get an F in my CCA grade lol. If you'd like to help me decide, please vote at the poll. It's just beside this entry if you haven't noticed (rolls eyes) lol.

Recently I've been thinking of my future career. Will I be doing something that I like to do? Will I make good money? Questions just keep cropping. I have so many things I'd like to do that I can't decide which to focus on.
Here is the list things I wanna do (in random order):

1. Product designer (my current course, bleah)
2. Game designer (my dream dream job)
3. Graphic artist
4. Car broker (continuing dad's job)
5. Opening my own restaurant
6. Have my own rock band
7. Anything in the entertainment business

I know all of those sound like a immature-ish kid's wish. But that's who I am.
Forgive me for the short entry, I suddenly got a mental block o_O

(Sidenote: Winner of previous poll "Ayumi or Jolin?" was Ayumi, with 9 votes out of 12. GOGO JPOP QUEEN!)

Rain on the ruins

2005-05-09T20:44:00.000-07:00

Another minor animation I made with Photoshop. Picture edited in Photoshop CS, rain effect done in Photoshop CS, pictures animated in Imageready CS. Have I mentioned I love rain?

Average-everything

2005-05-06T17:04:00.000-07:00

I believe life is a perfect balance.
If you gain something, you're bound to lose something else.

That is why,
When people gain intelligence, they lose modesty.
When people gain wealth, they lose humbleness.
When people gain pride, they lose wisdom.
When people gain love, they lose logic.

To have an average-everything is a blessing.

Stress Reliever

2005-05-04T20:54:00.000-07:00

Some funny pictures I'd like to share with y'all.

Not so thoughtful of you, Mr Dick.

Honest Ad

This could work for me..

Can you say, ouch?

Say hello to Bob.

LOL my fav pic.

That boring entry again? Yessir.

2005-04-27T14:12:00.000-07:00

Really, these days I'm in no mood to blog. Why? Because, my parents are in town! For no other reason than my upcoming birthday.. damn. You know, usually people are excited when their birthday is coming -- not me definitely. To me the week before birthday is usually most terrible. This time, my parents are staying in Singapore for 11 days!! GASP! They usually only stay for 4 days max, which I think I can barely stand already. 11 days? Simply overkill.

I really, really can't stand my parents. I'm too used to living by my own, so it feels uncomfortable when there's a sudden change. There are a thousand other reasons why that is so, and I'm absolutely not holding back to say it. Firstly my mother. I love my mother, okay. But I can't stand it whenever she talks in harsh tones to my father, not to mention she nags at him 24/7. For every little mistake he makes. Not that he doesn't deserve to be scolded, but my mom is doing it too much and I always believe that patience has its limit. She's like inviting a war lah. And then when the atmosphere tenses up, the children will get scolded for nothing. Shucks. My father - I just can never make myself love him as my parent. Sometimes I wonder to myself, "is this really how it feels to have a father?", because really, that feeling isn't so overtremendously amazing. His attitude I just can't stand, he nags at me for playing computer, eating in my room, misplacing my CDs, everything. I find it realy harder to breathe when he is around. You might find this strange, but I can don't talk to him at all for the whole day, even week, even month. In a year, we probably converse less than 20 conversations. And out of that 20, he starts 19 of them.

I'm totally lost. But it's okay, don't feel obliged to send words of comfort to me. Everyone has their own problems, and this is mine. Everyone takes care of their own problems, and so will I.

Happy Burfdae

2005-04-25T00:42:00.000-07:00

Happy birthday to my mom and Lum Jiamin!
Sorry haven't got the mood to blog properly, so.. just wait and see ;)

If only..?

2005-04-19T16:54:00.000-07:00

Oh my gosh was supposed to go for casting audition at 3pm but I slept from 1-4pm. Cool. Wasn't planning to go but at least I should have given notice to the people. So sorry Cleo o_O.

And oh my gosh again, I just bought Ayumi Hamasaki COUNTDOWN LIVE 2004-2005:

So cool can.

The DVD cost a frickin' 40 dollars. But it was worth it, it was damn damn worth it. Lol. There was one song where she forgot the lyric, she just went "da da da da da" making rhythmic sounds while shaking her head and then she fell on the floor laughing. And no the audience didn't boo her off (they love her too much), mind you! She added in plenty interactions with the audience of millions that nobody cared if she made a mistake. It was damn cool I tell you. Almost as if I was there watching the concert.. yeah almost. Bloody lucky Japanese. I swear if I was a Japanese I'd be 10 times luckier than I am now. Imagine, living among the damn comic writers, animators, game-makers! They even have GPS handphones. These are handphones installed with graphical map of Japan, and if two people have GPS handphones they can check out each other's whereabouts at anytime! HOW COOL IS THAT. It was designed to help (Japanese) Mom to track their lost (Japanese) children. You thought your bloody expensive 3G VGA phone was the best around the world? Kiss my behind ah~

(The audition people just called again. I pretended like I was still sleeping. Hurhur.)

Glow, glow, glow

2005-04-17T18:29:00.000-07:00

I animated this pic with Adobe Imageready 7.0! Cool, it's my first animation using that proggie. Rigged huh. Btw that's Final Fantasy: Advent Children's symbol.

Powerless

2005-04-16T12:55:00.000-07:00

Let me be powerless for once,
So that I know how strong you can be,
And how weak I can be.

Laa dee dum..

2005-04-14T00:54:00.000-07:00

Ever felt that something is missing but you can't figure out what? Well, now is one of those times for me.

It is to be understood that boredom can kill.

"Memory"

2005-04-07T17:56:00.000-07:00

I'll try to keep up with the visuals, so here goes:

Just a random junk I made with Adobe Photoshop 7.0 (by the way, I am wanting Photoshop CS/CS2 badly, and my birthday is around the corner! *hint*hint*). Okay I usually give an abstract name for my artwork. Let's see what shall we name this one.. how about "Memory", wow that was pretty random but kinda suit the way I want it.

Yawns. I have been awake for about 21 hours 32 minutes now. Planning to reverse my sleeping/awake time. Cuz I usually I sleep by like, 8am, and wake up at 8pm. I'm still confused as to which one is better for my lifestyle. I'm bored living a nocturnal life, not to mention it is regarded quite unhealthy. So, in the dead silence of the morning, I decided to go ahead watching all the DVDs I haven't watched. Which means a hell lot of them.

First to go was "Shark's Tale". Nice graphics and all, but its storyline isn't one that I'd glorify. I would prefer to watch "Madagascar", I personally think it has corny graphics! And the story's hilarious too.

Next I watched "Curse", starring Christina Ricci and that Lex Luthor guy from Smallville and some other actors I don't really know who. The story is about this girl and her brother getting bitten by some werewolf, and they themselves turned into werewolves. Typical lame show, but the graphic is praise-worthy. And has quite a few twists in the story. I notice that werewolf movies always feature a scene of one naked person waking up in the middle of God-knows-where. Rings a bell? Ding dong.

After that I watched "Ocean's Twelve", suppposed to be a great movie but I turned it off some time after the beginning of the show, because it bored me to hell. Instead, I watched this cheena movie called "A World Without Thieves". Starring Andy Lau, the movie is very very nice!! Touching story too, I'd give the show a rating of 8/10. Must watch when you got the chance to ok. Haha. K my neck's getting a lil stiff so imma get my feet outta here now, bye.

Ayumi rocks // Jolin is crap

2005-04-05T21:59:00.000-07:00

As your most probably already know, I'm a huge huge fan of Ayumi Hamasaki. You probably don't know this one though; I disliked Jolin Tsai. Yes, DISLIKED, past tense. Now, I despise and hate and loathe her. She is copying Ayumi Hamasaki's styles to gain popularity! Yes OMG OMG!! Okay watch this carefully.

Okay, so she copied Miss Hamasaki's hairstyles. Not satisfying enough?

As if those are not bad enough...

She also copied the Jpop Queen's song (Fly High)!!!!!! OMG if I were Ayumi I am so going to sue her! Not only Miss Hamasaki fell victim, but also other Jpop/Kpop singers (not to mention anime characters). What's up with all the imitating, Jolin? Can't you like, be smart enough to think up of your own style? Sorry to disappoint all the ~~jerks~~ fans of Jolin, but this images seem real enough to me. For more, please have a peak at http://sg.geocities.com/ayuorigin/, they have a lot more pictures to offer. Lalala. I'm out of here............ gone.

Unmakeover

2005-04-02T17:09:00.000-08:00

Hey, man.
It's holiday for me so I've got nothing much to write. Sigh, you see when I have things to write, I don't have the time to spare. So uncool right. Haha. Ok crap.

I'll try my best to restrain this outrageous ~~sexiness~~ laziness of mine, I know lately it is starting to overtake me. For example, my 'Weekly Pool' doesn't really vary from week to week. LOL. So I've decided to put in a little visual for this entry to prove I can control my laziness (picture entries are the most troublesome cuz I have to resize the pic, upload it, blah blah blah), better appreciate it k. Hahaha.

Madonna

Cameron Diaz

Avril Lavigne

See the truth underneath those layers of lies. See, you thought your idol was good-looking? Sometimes we commoners are better looking simply cuz we get enough sleep. If your idol is as ugly as (put a name of the person you despise), will you still idolise them? And, and! I didn't post this yesterday cuz you'll think it's an April's Fool joke. Ok that was an excuse. Haha.

Negativity is absurdity

2005-03-27T21:57:00.000-08:00

I'm not in the mood for leisure so let me just talk anyhow and as fast as my mind can think.

Okay if you knew Albert like 3-4 years, you would realize that he is different from what he is now. He used to be this pessimistic boy who thinks he enjoys his negative way of life. He always thought that nobody really wants to become his friend and he always pretended like he didn't care. He thought that life for him has no meaning, therefore, he can just end it like nobody's business. He had problems with his parents cuz he hated his parents for no apparent reason (just because they are irritating perhaps) and so he had no one to turn to when the world went against him, not even his friends not even his family. No, he didn't stay in the world of darkness, there is no such thing. In fact he stood in the way of light but he was blind, he couldn't see that light. Or rather, he believed there could be no such positivity.

Until he realised something. God would never create a human with no purpose in life. He believes eveyone has a role for something. So he started to be more open to his friends. Telling them all his problems, listening to their problems. He found out that he is JUST like any other ordinary person, a person who can love and be loved as an equal. His parents, they loved him but he refused to see that, until recently when he knew how painful it is to forever lose something we thought he never had. He tried to love his parents, and it worked out as well as it should be. People's purpose in life, no one can define. One has to find it on one's own, even if he has to assume he knows. Albert found out that, it isn't really God who gives us a purpose in life, but ourselves. God only makes sure that we WILL have a purpose. And for Albert, his purpose of life is to live life itself to the fullest, by cherishing all that he has; his friends, his family, everything. That light he didn't see before, now strikes him with awe.

Actually, he was just afraid to lose something, which is why at first he never tried to have something. But the pain of being alone, nothing can beat that. Death is no shortcut to freedom, because death is the ultimate loneliness itself, please never forget that. Anyone, and I mean ANYONE, can turn away from the dark side of their life anytime they want. Because as long as we live, we are surrounded by glorious light. We just have to see that light.

I've seen my light. Have you?

FF: Advent Children

2005-03-25T08:14:00.000-08:00

*Gasp!*
New layout is fcukin DONE!!
Took me four days to finish. Okay so what's so special. No difference what.

Wrong.

This is a table-based layout! Unlike all my previous layouts, which were template-based! This is at least 10x harder to do okay. Especially for people with no IT background like me. So what pros does table-based layout have over template-based layout? Firstly, table-based layout fits all sorts of resolution, and no matter the screen width, it always b centralised. On the other hand, my template-based layout had screen-fixed templates. Table-based layout is also neater in almost every aspect, and although more difficult to form, it is easier to configure.. yadda yadda yadda.

Ahh beg your forgiveness. Just had to talk about that, cuz I'm ultra-excited! Haha.

Anyways.

Song is by Otsuka Ai, entitled "Kingyo Hanabi" which means "Goldfish Fireworks". Huh?
If you can't hear the song, it's either your com sucks, my host ran out of bandwidth, or you're using Mozilla Firefox. Firefox sucks. Bleah. Kk. Please be contented with this oh so short entry cuz I'm hella tired, it's 8.13am and imma just hit lala land. Adios.

Lala

2005-03-22T14:23:00.000-08:00

Okay, so school's over, I won my race against time.
By the way I'm already working on my new blog. I won't be blogging till I'm done with it. Okok see you later!! Ahh so much anxiety =D

(Too) Awesome to behold

2005-03-21T07:49:00.000-08:00

THIS IS ANNOYING.
In contrast of the previous entry, I just saw one of the most magnificent things in the world. Ah, I don't even know if magnificent is enough a word to describe it. However, this magnificence did not give comfort to me. Instead, it leaves me unsettled, and it sends fear right into the deepest of what's left of my sanity. Fear of what, I cannot aptly define.. it was most probably the fear of losing sight/grip/possession of this magnificence.

Which again proves the point I once stated quite a long time ago. When you are happy, you are fearful. Fear of losing that very happiness you needed so. But when you are upset, you will forget about the cause of your unhappiness, and in turn this will make you satisfied and happy. Therefore:

Happy events will lead you to sadness.
Sad events will end up making you happy.

Knowing a bit of the truth can be annoying sometimes, doesn't it?

(Not) Awesome to behold

2005-03-19T02:40:00.000-08:00

Today I saw one of the most annoying sights mankind has ever witnessed.

Tsk.

One more assignment to go.
And I'll be able to blog properly.

Till then, puny mortals.

"Ignorance is no longer my sanctuary"

You bugger

2005-03-11T18:50:00.000-08:00

Things that bug me presently:

-Sleeplessness
-My sister keeps borrowing my Warcraft CD (yes it's mine, I paid for it dammit)
-My wireless connection keeps on disconnecting
-My lecturer Ronald, dude I don't care who you are, you are damn irritating
-My inability to play games in peace
-Running out of daily consumptions (green tea, biscuits, ice cream)
-People scolding me for groundless excuses
-My relatives
-My long fringe
-Nich not sending me drum songs
-Me not having the time to enjoy my days
-Holiday being so near, but not so near
-Anorectic problems
-Etc

Fallen behind

2005-03-09T23:53:00.000-08:00

I hate people too much I didn't realize the one I should hate is myself.
My life is wearing away, slowly but surely.
But I don't need your sympathy.
I am what makes me.
My ego, my pride, my carelessness will be my life support.
In my world I will be the one sitting on top of the throne.
I will break away, but I will be amended.

I just need to leave.

Slipped Away

2005-03-06T03:33:00.000-08:00

This song is dedicated in loving memory to my grandma.
I love you, granny.
I miss you.

Let the fire purge all that is impure

2005-02-28T20:37:00.000-08:00

Bah. I'll kill you!!

18 buckeroos.
Merciful God, that's fucking how much I paid for PRINTING 9 fucking pages of fucking A4 size paper, fucking single-sided! And don't go questioning me why am I so fucking retarded to get blatantly robbed in a daylight. Albert just can't figure out why. But Albert is smart enough to come up with a vengeful plan.

Burn baby, burn.

That's what will happen to the shop.
No wonder they say that the taste of revenge is bittersweet. Slurps.

Insanity aside, today they are releasing the O' level results in BHSS. I wonder how everybody did. The only one person sane enough to inform me about their result was Marcus. Everyone else was like.. as if the earth stops revolving around the sun for them. It's not the end I always say, you know. You maybe wondering why you couldn't be as lucky as the other guy who scored 10 points. Well, maybe God has another plan for you. It only means, you don't need to suffer the same stress that all JC people experience (lol).. well, you'll just suffer something else, either way.

Eeh, like I don't got nothing to worry about myself. 18 more days to semester's end, and 7 assignments to go. I'm running under constant speed. Let's just hope I won't trip.

Swoosh.

TP advertisement

2005-02-22T23:31:00.000-08:00

Sorry, but I think the TP ad in TVMobile really sucks. It's like you're going to promote a kindergarten, not a polytechnic. It's a total humiliation for TP ppl, imagine all the other school people are like pointing at the TVMobile ad and start giggling.. and when ppl recognize we are from TP, they will think that we are as retard as the ad has shown them.

School is a pain in the ass

2005-02-20T23:20:00.000-08:00

Yesterday's Chingay pissed me off. They put up a massive blockade all around orchard, traffic was totally screwed ~ If you were at Takashimaya, it would be almost impossible for you to cross over to Paragon without making a super-far u-turn at Plaza Singapura. Chingay was probably I great show, I don't know, I didn't get to watch it, but the security people pissed me off. Especially those retarded mother fuckers, damn-extra students who didn't let us cross even at 12.00am! What the fuck lohz. I wanted to shout "Assholes!" right on their ugly faces.

Anyways. After that I went to watch midnight movie with Siew Fong, Akarad and Nich. The show's called Bayside Shakedown 2. Wasn't too shabby, really. It was a very emotional and meaningful movie. Mwahah. I've always loved midnight movies no matter the show.

Oh by the way I'm intending to modify my blog layout soon. Again. Next theme up will be "Final Fantasy: Advent Children", credits to Yun Loong and his Advent Children blog. However, the modified blog would most likely be table-based, instead of template-based such as this current one. There is something else coming your way: I'm creating a second blog. This blog comprises of horrible entries containing my complaints, grudges, anger, and other sinful things. Access to this blog is rather limited. As small a chance as it is, if you're interested to browse it let me know, although most probably I wouldn't tell you. Lol. I'm planning to have a gothic theme for this blog (template-based, cuz it's easier and more appropriate).

Next, below is the list of my school assignments. Listed it for my own reference, so you should skip this section.

Human-Centred Design
-Assignment 2: Have to design a device that comprises an alarm clock plus a radio. Its functions must be obvious to the consumers as soon as they see it. Must be done on computer -_-"
-Assignment 3: Err can't be bothered to know yet cuz I haven't done my second assignment. Will find out soon.

Product Rendering
-Final Assignment: Render an A2 size of my own choice. Maybe picking the picture from my Warcraft artbook or from a car magazine. YES! Final already!

Material & Processes
-Assignment 2: Wood project. Next week start.

Design Drafting
-Assignment 2: Do rhino-autocad drawing of a hair-dryer.. troublesome. Gotta master rhino.

Languange & Culture of Japanese
-Written Exam: This coming Saturday! Die die also must get good scores.
-Project: Writing compo describing your fake holiday experience to Japan. Bah dunno when it is due.

Culture & Expression
-Project 2: Hmm I haven't found out what it is about yet. I know it's something regarding the melioration of Pulau Ubin as an object of tourist attraction. This one's final project, I hope.

Line Animation 1
-Assignment 6: Pose-to-pose animation. I dislike this subject cuz there's so much to do.
-Assignment 7: Repeated animation. Should be a breeze.
-Final Project: Yet to be given. Argh!

Typography
-Final Project: To design a leaflet. A4 size. Also one of my most hated subject, juz becuz it falls on Friday.

*Wipes sweat off* Phew! There is so much to do. I have 26 days to the end of the semester, and 14 assignments to do. So I have to finish each one in 2 days approximately. Geez, what a pain in the ass.

Ja, mata kondo.

It's official

2005-02-18T22:30:00.000-08:00

Hallelujah.
I've taken taxi to school everyday this week.
It is time I declare: I'm officially broke.

Only 28 days left to the end of this semester, I gotta keep on running, although my stamina's depleted. You see, I only get approximately 4 hours of sleep everyday.. I'm losing my imsomnic power! And dark circles start to develop below my eyes.

Not good. Not good at all.

Anyways. Today's readers should feel lucky, cuz you guys are about to read the ultra-rare-splendid-special-edition entry!!!!!! Wow.

Okay what's so special. It is so because here and now I am going to elaborate on (my) usage of my HP. And some tips that should come in handy. Okay, you see, my adorable Nokia 7610 has been configured with some special setting; it has no ringtone. Ringtone is annoying! Ringtone is disgusting! Ringtone is... well it sucks, primarily. So, unless I am directly looking at the screen of my phone, I wouldn't know yar calling me. I also wouldn't set my phone to vibration mode, reason being I have a weak heart and sudden vibration gives me a shock. A sample scenario. I am sitting down by the computer and HP is in my pocket. You call me, phone vibrates vigorously, I get a terrible shock thinking that a CPU power leakage occurs and I am being electrocuted. That is extravagantly lame, I know, but seriously.

Next. Okay, so, you called me and I didn't notice you were calling. A missed call happens. Sometimes, I will call you back. But due to the unaid-able laziness of mine, it is possible that I don't call you back, thinking that your call wasn't an important one. Therefore, being an intellectual mammal that you are, you will leave me a message. But your message shouldn't be overshadowed with enigma, such as this one: "Bert. Call me back ASAP after you see this." Too much mistery. Too troublesome a risk. A proper message should sound like this: "Bert, (state your reason for calling here). (State an attractive reward for calling back). (State a polite send-off greeting)." Now that way, there's no way I wouldn't reply your call!

That's all there is to it, happy trying!

(Sidenote: My adorable HP takes nap in the afternoon and after dawn. Pls don't call at these periods of time.)

The Unforgotten

2005-02-15T02:22:00.000-08:00

2.13 AM.
Here I am, still struggling against the burdensome school chores.
So many times, I feel like giving up already.
My mind has weakened.
My body has weakened.
My will has weakened.
I have been reduced.
I have been deprived.

I wanna thanks all my friends for being there for me.. allowing me to have something to look forward to everyday. Maybe the reason I'm still here today, is you people.

So, thanks for being there.. just thank you.

Daffodil Lament

2005-02-14T00:23:00.000-08:00

by The Cranberries

Holding on that's what I do
Since I met you
And it won't be long, would you notice
If I left you
And it's fine for some
Cause you're not the one

All night long I laid on my pillow
These things are wrong
I can't sleep here
So lovely, so lovely

I have decided to leave you forever
I have decided to start things from here
Thunder and lightning won't change
What I'm feeling
And the daffodil look lovely today

Oh in your eyes I can see the disguise
Oh in your eyes I can see the dismay
Has anyone seen lightning
Has anyone looked lovely

And the daffodils looked lovely today
Looked lovely

(Sidenote: Daffodil is a yellow flower that symbolizes renewal, inspiration and hope. Happy Valentine's Day!)

Darned

2005-02-13T03:05:00.000-08:00

Ohh haven't blogged for centuries now.. I have a new addiction to this game called Maple Story, an MMORPG where everybody is a conner and no one is to be trusted. Lol. Anyways. Skool is killing me lately.. oh and before I forget, I got to declare that MR VAL CHAN is the ULTIMATELY HORRENDEOUSEST LECTURER OF ALL! You see, last week he told me that there would be no typography class this Friday. But it turned out that there WAS class. And a rule in my poly states that I can't skip class more than twice for the same subject; I have skipped Typography class twice before. DIE. No choice left but to get a fake MC. Went with Shawn to this polyclinic (so-called).. told the doctor I had a headache this morning so couldn't go to school and blah.. there you go, an MC for 16 bucks. Never knew an MC could save my life.

Another disappointing turn of event at school. Okay I have this Line Animation 1 subject where we have to draw TONS of retarded characters in several hundred pages of paper. Okay so everybody draws 20-30 pages per assignment.. but I did 70-80 pages per assignment! I should be given extra mark for my unusual hardworking-ness.. but guess what that **** **** lecturer told me.. I did too many frames for my animation so it becomes too slow.. and he gave me a penalty for it.. NO WAY!! YOU %&!@&$!@!!! Grr.

Haiz. I guess going to poly is just for the sake of getting a diploma. Many coursemates of mine do not plan to go the direction the course is leading us to.. myself included. Oh well.. we'll just see how it goes at the end.

Ahh going to have ;kzl /z 'n

...

Guess what just happened. I was typing the above halfway when my mom entered my room and scolded me for sleeping late and threatened to take away my laptop. SHE HAS BEEN DOING THIS TO THE POINT WHERE I GET SO FUCCCCKINGGGGGG IRRITATED!!!!!!!!!! DAMN IT! And the above strange text is the result of my fist banging the keyboard out of anger. Geez. Really spoil my mood sia. Gona sleep now. Bye bye everyone and Wei Xing if you're reading this.

Yasumi-wa is over!!

2005-01-30T23:56:00.000-08:00

Sunday. IT'S FREAKING SUNDAY. You know what that means? YES, school's up once again. Feels like holiday is over before it even started!! It is so unfair, ultimately unacceptably unfair!!!

Okay. You need to calm down, Albert. There, there.. good boy.

You know, you O-level graduates seeking to go Poly should feel extremely grateful right now (*hint*hint* you know who you are). You are living a carefree life. You got no project deadlines, those that will give you oh-my-god-deadline-is-tmr-im-so-far-behind-im-SO-GONNA-DIE kind of feeling. SIgh. Sigh sigh sgh. That's what I'm feeling now. I'm now taking a break after 7 hours of non-stop action working on my homework.. I think I'm falling sick. Like, now I been sneezing all day, having stiff neck, headache, nausea, and stomachache.. ALL AT ONCE. And the worst part is that I'm not even exaggerating. Even my infamous s'all-in-the-mind technique isn't really working effectively right now. See how it goes lah.. at the most I'll go fetch an MC.

Come to think of it, there's only 49 days left to the end of my year 1. That's great! Then I'll have 2 more months of divine holiday. By the way, it is 90% confirmed that most polytechnics will start in May instead of end of June. Of course I'm not happy about this, my sweet holiday is to be cut off by almost 50%. By the way I hope most of my juniors from BHSS will go to TP. I don't know but it's so much easier to click with them than with my poly friends.

Well. Looks like I'm still the king of complaining afterall.

You still with me? I got the feeling that nobody reads blogs anymore. It's like I'm talking to myself, but that's what a diary is for, right? But at least I still read ppl's blogs. Sometimes. Only when the content doesn't make me yawn. SO, make your entries interesting a bit! Sigh, gotta go now, my nausea's starting to kill me. Till then ~

Kazoku

2005-01-27T21:45:00.000-08:00

This week has been a nice, slack week for me; cuz it's holiday week!! Ah well, nothing happened in this holiday that I didn't predict. Despite the huge amount of work procrastinated, I neglected all of them totally. Today it's Thursday, although it's kinda late to start working on my projects, I will burn midnight oil to "chiong" my way through! Ganbatte, ne! Watashi kotogadekiru.. tashikani. So pray for me okay.

Anyways. Today, my maid told me something that made me ponder about my past. Initially, we were talking about how my mum's overprotectiveness towards her children has harmed them unintentionally. Them refers to me and my sis. For example, when my mom stops my sis from doing her project late at night, her intention is actually to take care of my sis' health. But the way my sis perceives it, she'll get even more stressed up, she can and will hurt herself in a way. Both mentally and physically. Back to topic, yeah me and my maid were like talking about that and, we arrived at the topic concerning my dad. You see, my sis and I had never been as close to my dad as we are to our mother. Back then, when we were still preteens or younger, my mom always restricted us from playing with dad. Her reasons include, but not limited to, that dad STINKS (he always farts and stuff), that dad might end up making us cry. I understand that those excuses were total crap, but being little kids we just did as we were told. Also, when we were asleep in our rooms, my did not allow dad to peek into the room cuz it might wake us up. As a result, we became quit distant with dad. But he dared not complain to mom, for it might cause a quarrel among themselves. Today, nothing much has changed. For years now, me and my sis have been living away from our parents, cuz of our overseas studies. They would only visit us occasionally, like twice a month. Even when they visit us, we were barely at home all the time. So, it is perfectly normal for them to badly miss us. But to this date, when dad tries to take a peek into our room when we are asleep, mom would stop him and scowl at him. I know. I know because deep inside, I can't never really sleep.

Being a teenager that I am now, I fully understand how my father is feeling. He can't express his feelings well, he can't converse properly without using harsh tones, he can't complain without risking a quarrel with my mother. However, I don't talk to my father because I'm really not used to, and I'm not close to him. It becomes a habit I can barely change. At first, I thought it doesn't really matter because he doesn't care about me anyway. I was dead wrong. He cared about me, but he never expresses it openly, and I didn't notice it; until now. All along, my father has a son that was never really there for him. But he has always been there for me. And I have been taking him for granted. His loneliness, his imprisoned desires, I can feel it now. When my maid made me realize this, I almost broke down.

All along, I had been thinking that I am a matured person, and everybody else is childish. But I guess it is hardly true. Until I have learn to love my parents, I haven't learn to grow up enough yet. This day onwards, I promise that I'll grow up.

Subvertion

2005-01-24T20:17:00.000-08:00

Blog. Blog. Blog. Blog is so boring nowadays. So many people abandoned their bloggie. Sad. No updates. Boring. Yeah I know, I haven't blogged for sometime too. I was thinking of changing the skin (again), it'd be a Naruto-based layout. But I got no time to design one. Well I DO have time actually, maybe I'm just too lazy. So.. yah, just expect some change one of these days.

Anyways. Last Sat-Sun went to Lim Lin's BBQ.. thx for inviting me! Met many, many of my old friends.. it was highly nostalgic for me? Almost felt like I was still in BHSS. Sigh. It was supposed to start at 6+pm. But we reached ECP by 9pm, no thanks to me. One hour later.. most of them started leaving.. then at 11pm, me and Karad and Nich went LANning at Parkway Parade.. I was kinda hesitant.. but then I was also bored, stoning and doing nothing at the BBQ.. so we left to LAN anyway.. kinda sad though.. when I came back, many of them already went back.. I wanted to talk somemore to them yahh? Like, I got to know from Fi, that two people who used to be my best friends, now smoke. And she said one of them had turned out to be heavy smoker. I was shocked to the point of not wanting to believe it. It totally make me SAD.. and guilty, thinking that I could probably have prevented it had I been closer to them. I hate whoever got my two buddies to start smoking. Back to topic..

By 2-3am.. I was almost totally drained.. had nowhere comfortable to sleep on! Everywhere' s full of deadly-disgusting creepies.. But I got myself a few mins worth of sleep.. that should suffice, I guess. But still, I was hella tired. I hate it when I'm tiresome. It just doesn't feel right. Ugh, whatever.. anyway, I reached home by 10am. Dozed off right away, although I thought I could last a lil bit longer. When I woke up at 5am.. my parents had already returned to Indo. Why didn't they wake me up first? I hate to say goodbye, but I'd rather say it than not. Oh, I almost forgot. I intended to include my year 2005 resolution in my previous posts but hadn't had the chance to.

My New Year Resolution(s):
1. To be able to say "no" to ppl
2. To cherish my friends more
3. To try to love my parents
4. To be more hardworking in school
5. To be less vain! Haha
6. To take basic driving theory, probably
7. I dunno.
8. Blank.
9. Blank.
10. Blank.

Kk till then, ciaoz.

Wind

2005-01-15T08:06:00.000-08:00

by Akeboshi

Cultivate your hunger before you idealize
Motivate your anger to make them all realize
Climbing the mountain, never coming down
Breaking through the contents never falling down

My knees are still shaking like I was twelve
Sneaking out of the classroom, by the back door
A man railed at me twice though, but I didn't care
Waiting is wasting for people like me

Don't try to live so wise
Don't cry 'cause you're so right
Don't dry with fakes or fears
'Cause you will hate yourself in the end

Don't try to live so wise
Don't cry 'cause you're so right
Don't dry with fakes or fears
'Cause you will hate yourself in the end

You say, "Dreams are dreams"
I ain't gonna play the fool anymore
You say, "'Cause I still got my soul"

Take your time, baby
Your blood needs slowing down
Breach your soul to reach yourself before you gloom
Reflection of fear makes shadows of nothing
Shadows of nothing.

You still are blind
If you see a winding road, 'cause there's always
a straight way to the point you see

Don't try to live so wise
Don't cry 'cause you're so right
Don't dry with fakes or fears
'Cause you will hate yourself in the end

Don't try to live so wise
Don't cry 'cause you're so right
Don't dry with fakes or fears
'Cause you will hate yourself in the end

Don't try to live so wise
Don't cry 'cause you're so right
Don't dry with fakes or fears

'Cause you will hate yourself in the end

'Cause you will hate yourself in the end

'Cause you will hate yourself in the end

'Cause you will hate yourself in the end

'Cause you will hate yourself in the end...

Hybrid Theory: Hyralism

2005-01-12T05:14:00.000-08:00

Hello there.

I'm still having a "busy week" period but I gotta blog.

Cuz I'm feeling blue. I'm feeling blue cuz I'm happy. Yes, it's Nich's favourite theory. But I will add on a little bit of continuation to it... so listen and hear me out. When you're happy, you're bound to be sad at the end of your happiness. Why is that? I don't really know why, but it just is. It might be because we didn't cherish that moment enough. I've learnt to cherish it enough, so when it's over I can look back and smile. I'll talk comfort in knowing that, even after a happy moment ends, another will come to replace it. It might not be as big an event as the previous, but it will be sufficient to keep you going in life. Until one day, the day where we leave this world. Death is not fearsome becuz it is a physically painful process. Death is fearsome because it is the ultimate loneliness. But to die with nothing to look back and smile upon, it will be more painful.

"So chim, I catch no balls!" Haha. I'll just leave it to you to grasp that.

I have another thing to say. It is probably just another thought I have in mind, but here goes anyway. Going to church everyday doesn't immediately make you a good Christian. Before you can be a good Christian, you must first be a good person. I mean, where's the good in praying to the Lord everyday, if all you pray for only concerns your well-being? What's the use of going to church, if you go there only to keep thinking that you are so-called "faithful", and then when church is over you go out and scold people irrationally. I would rather stay at home and be helpful, and make small prayers where I will thank God for all that is. I'm not saying you shouldn't go to church, I'm saying that if you want to go to church, go with a purpose; to be a good person and a good Christian.

Oh, this not only applies to Christianity but to most religions as well, if not all.

I said this cuz I have quite a few friends who are regular members of the church, but they are extremely rude people. So, before you want to negatively criticize people, look at yourself first. NOT in the mirror, cuz all it shows is merely your shadow.

With all said and delivered properly (I hope), hopefully there is no hard-feelings to those who find this offensive, but if you do feel offended, I offer you my humble apology. I really hope you learn something from this entry in a positive way.

"God will not lay a temptation beyond your ability to resist"

Busy week

2005-01-08T22:12:00.000-08:00

Exactly a week since I last blogged. When I don't blog it either means nothing had happened or too much had happened. I was insanely busy this week; so many games to play, so much project to do, so little time in my hands. 2 consecutive nights before, I skipped my nightly sleep. Nah that's not a good thing at all. But at least I manage rush half of my projects.. they're coming right at me like a tsunami wave.. I'm so battered up right now.

Hmm.. it seems that holiday's over. People start coming back to school. Those 'O' level graduates going JC and taking first-three-months classes have already begun their busy days. Those going polytechnic.. hmm I'm not really sure when exactly school is going to start for them. Some said it would be in May, which is 1 and a half month earlier than usual, some said it starts in July as per normal. Except for Republic Poly, which starts in May in the first place, I think. I hope my poly will start in July after the March holiday. I'm so in need of a longgggg good break. I'm gonna try to find a job too. I really think working is fun.. especially if you're working with someone you know. It will be hard to find the job by then, cuz most schools are having holiday as well. Ah well. Gonna try my luck. Alritey then.. going back to play Maple Story.. LOL. Shh don't tell anyone that I play this. Cyahz.

God bless 2005!

2005-01-01T04:25:00.000-08:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2005!
Many things have come and go, both good and bad (mostly bad for me), but I'm very grateful to have survived through the year.

New year's eve.. I was supposed to meet Nicholas to go to BHSS to collect money today.. but the weather was savage~ so my house people decided not to wake me up?? So... I woke up at 2.30pm.. hohoho.. Nicholas called me 7 times.. I'm so sorry =9 I also didn't end up watching movie with Siew Fong and gang cuz I slept somemore..until 4pm, I think. After that I played CS for awhile.. suddenly it was 6.30pm. I went to prepare myself to get ready to go to Spen's house. Supposed to have a potluck dinner there. Okay I had a bad hairday so I took hours to style my hair and I was almost late so I took a cab down to his house.. reached destination at 8pm. There were also Eugene, ZW, BZ and Derek in the house. We didn't go eat yet cuz they think we should wait for Jawwad and Cicil to come. But 1 1/2 hours later they still had not yet come, but I gotta go meet Akarad and gang.. so I left at 9.20pm. It was raining.

Took a taxi to Takashimaya and met Akarad, Yanwen, Nicholas and Ryan. They bought coffee there and met up with Siew Fong, Cheryl and her boyfriend Abraham. Awhile later, we left Takashimaya for Cineleisure without Hamryl cuz they went home. Nich also sent Siew Fong home *wink**wink*!! LOL. Met Jori at Cine later. He seemed quite sad. I hope everything will be alright for you man. Then they decided to go to my house and get their stomach filled. At 12 midnight, they were busy playing CS/PS2 they barely realized it was new year already. Lol. Ryan's dad came to drive him home. At 1am, all who were left (Akarad, Yanwen, Nicholas n Jori) decided to go home.. but when they left my house they were like still wanna join the massive crowd down the road.. then we ended up buying the sprays cans and started shooting around. Orchard was snowing. Haha okay lah it was fun.. this kind of thing only happens once a year. It's the only time where even an old man can relive a moment of youth. One satisfying hour later, all of them took taxis home. The End.

Now.. about this new blog layout. I'm glad everyone gave me a positive feedback.. I realize how much my previous layout had sucked. I made this layout right after I listened to this song Teddy Bear (by Ayumi Hamasaki), using Adobe Photoshop 7 (I know it's very simple, bleah). The song is very phenomenal >.<

Lastly, about the Tsunami disaster. I feel really sorry for the victims, they didn't get the chance to see year 2005. I don't know, but I feel kind of angry. Angry to who.. I don't know either. Maybe I'm angry towards what caused these unfortunate people to die. So.. I'm angry to the earthquake?? Yuh.. doesn't make sense. Anyways. That should tell you enough about the unpredictability of life. Right here right now while you're reading this, a disaster may come to claim your life or any of your loved ones'. I'm not trying to say you gonna have a bad luck. I'm saying that it COULD happen. To you. And even right now. So we must try our best to cherish our life 24/7 although sometimes things might not seem to go your way. God will guide through our path, and always remember that He will not allow you to be tested beyond your abillity to stand firm.

I hope this year will be a better year than the last one, for all of us.

Aftermath

2004-12-26T23:56:00.000-08:00

Thanks to everyone who were with me on Christmas Eve.. Akarad, Yanwen, Jori, Connie, Nicholas, Vannessa.. and my brobro Bernard~ I was very delighted.. although I was at the peak of my illness.. keep coughin 24/7. Did anyone catch my virus or something? I'm really sorry. Anyways.. meet Akarad they all at 9pm+.. basically didn't do anything at all while waiting for Nich n Vannessa until 10pm+.. then at 10.30pm meet Bernard.. all of us went to Plaza Singapura, wanted to catch a movie but they were all FULL! What can you expect.. end up go Starbucks and drink + eat. Xmas countdown was over before we realized it. LOL. So much for a countdown. We all went home then.

Today went to play watch Cosplay at Far East Plaza, then LAN, then go to Cheryl's house for BBQ party then go LAN again. I LOST MY BLOODY HOUSE KEY SOMEWHERE. DARN. It's irreplacable. Sigh.

Merry Christmas!

2004-12-25T08:01:00.000-08:00

For once, I'll forget all my hatred.
For once, I'll forget that I'm alone.
For once, I'll remember how you loved me.
For once, I'll remember the warmth of a family.
For once, I'll be thankful for all that is.
For once, I'll smile.
Because it's Christmas, and no one ought to be sad.

Merry Christmas 2004!

Mr Senile

2004-12-23T11:03:00.000-08:00

Oh my GAWD! I'm blogging!! What's wrong with that...? It's very wrong cuz at this very time, I should be having a lecture in school! So what the hell happened?? Okay it is simple. I thought lesson would start at 12noon to 3pm. But in actuality it starts at 9am and ends at 12noon. IM SUCHA DUMB FUCK!

Okay what's the big deal missing one lecture, you say. Sigh. In high school I always tried to keep a 100% clean attendance.. and I had always prevailed. But in poly. Since it's so much "relaxing" as some people would put it, I tend to slack my attendance real bad, sometimes. This unbecoming of me really freaks me out, but I have no idea why it freaks me out. Sigh. Lord, help me with this senility pretty pretty please?? Be my eyes in times of blindness, my way out in times of trouble. Amen.

And is it like, Ian Ong's bday today? Or is it tommorow? Happy birthday anyway, dood! Finally ya can watch Nc-17. Hehe.

Sigh. Since I'm home and got nothing to do imma go play Playstation 2.

Ja ~

You don't need me

2004-12-23T06:08:00.000-08:00

You have so many people around you that my existence became insignificant.
You don't need me anymore.

I feel like knocking on heaven's door

2004-12-19T07:46:00.000-08:00

I feel like knocking on heaven's door...

Not Mr-Wise-Guy

2004-12-17T03:03:00.000-08:00

Sigh.. was like so busy, don't have time to blog? This week was the "first week" of school. The only subject I'm actually enjoying is Japanese languange.. the rest is plain boring.. including the subject I added personally.. Line Animation One! So shucks. First day already so fucking nasty alright. The lecturer was so boring, plus he talks monotonely, yet he scowled at me for falling asleep over it. He said "dont waste my time" and "if you're not interested you can drop the subject" You fat sack of shit don't have no right to be at an extreme level of rudeness, do you hear? Omg you can't even talk English properly. Loser. Fag. Yes he's none other than bastard Ronald.

On the contrary, my Jap sensei, Ms Kaori, is such a sweetheart. She's so nice and everything! You see, sometimes you like/hate a subject because of the lecturer. There are lecturers who will support you and be at your beck and call even if you're not doing a good job. And then there are some who will just "machine-gun" you and crush your very hope flat.

Let me talk about last Tuesday. The morning before school I didn't sleep at all, I was playing Shadow Hearts: Covenant (nice game btw), I think. After a long day at sch, I took a bus home and slept on the bus since it was going to take forever anyway. It felt like such a short nap, but when I woke up I realized I had overshot my bus stop.. I was like 3-4 stops away then. My house is near Paragon, I was at Plaza Singapura. Not that it's too far for me to walk, but problem is that I had stomachache plus a gonna-burst bladder. I didn't take a taxi cuz the traffic direction was like opposing the route home. So I walked and walked, hastily.. then decided to stop somewhere to "unload" yeah, and I was beside Centre Point by that time. After discharging my bladder's content (the light one, not the big one, pls) I went up to Robinsons to meet this so-called friend of mine.. Joseph? The owner of that nice blog I mentioned several entries ago, if you recall. I remembered he works there but I never met him.

Fast Forward.

I met up with Chee ee, Adelin and Sandy who happened to be near there at that time and we looked around for Joe.... to no avail. He somehow disappeared? Then on our way out.. he bumped me from behind!? I was like "wtf." cuz it kinda gave me a shock. Funny thing though. Anyway I pity that guy.. yesterday Adelin brought Siew Fong and Pei Pei to see him, then Siew Fong approached Joe and asked him whether he was a girl or a guy. What the..? I really feel it's rude, although I know he wouldn't mind. Sigh. I'm feeling kinda guilty, having "shown" him to them? And like Adelin added him in MSN and stuff, and then tell me that he's not nice because she has this impression that he wants to act humble.. oh man. I really feel sorry for him to have been stereotyped around like that. By people who barely knew him. I'd be kinda sad if I were him. It's almost like you're walking on the street and suddenly someone just comes up to you and gives you a _l_

One more thing I dislike is when people come to me asking for advice and they just refuse to be open-minded and think I'm just talking crap. Why are you wasting your own time and my time? I am not Mr-Wise-Guy and I won't say I give good advices to people. The only thing I give is my own point of view, but the rest is up to you, whether you want to make it a good opinion or a bad one.

Before going off I just wanna share with you a piece of my thought, you most probably have heard it over and over, but I can't help telling:

"Don't always take life too seriously. Sometimes you try too hard to solve all of your problems that you forgot to live your life, until one day you realize: Time never waits for you.

Weird

2004-12-17T02:40:00.000-08:00

by Hanson

Isn't it weird. Isn't it strange.
Even though we're just two strangers on this runaway train
We're both trying to find a place in the sun
We've lived in the shadows, but doesn't everyone
Isn't it strange how we all feel a little bit weird sometimes
Isn't it hard. Standing in the rain.
You're on the verge of going crazy and your heart's in pain
No one can hear though you're screaming so loud
You feel all alone in a faceless crowd
Isn't it strange how we all get a little bit weird sometimes.
Sitting on the side waiting for a sign, hoping that my luck will change.
Reaching for a hand that can understand, someone who feels the same.
When you live in a cookie cutter world being different is a sin.
So you don't stand out. And you don't fit in. Weird.
Sitting on the side waiting for a sign, hoping that my luck will change.
Reaching for a hand that can understand, someone who feels the same.
When you live in a cookie cutter world if you're different you can't win.
So you don't stand out and you don't fit in. Weird.
Isn't it strange how we all feel a little bit weird
Strange, how we all get a little bit...
Strange, 'cause we're all just a little bit weird sometimes.

Myriadism

2004-12-12T23:21:00.000-08:00

Alright I haven't been blogging for forever but who gives a damn. Many, many things had happened this week, good and bad. Well it was mostly good, but that's why it's bad. Wha..!? Well, I'll let you figure out what that means. Or I'll tell you myself, if I have the mood later.

Wednesday was as long a day as I had expected. Today, I was supposed to attend Akarad's chalet at Sentosa. I went to Taka to buy food and meet Bernard to give him this necklace he wanted to get. He saw me wearing it and said it was cool and fortunately for him, I had bought two of the same necklaces. Just how lucky can he get? Right.. well he was with some girls I didn't know.. so I dashed (right, dashed) to buy lunch at Mac's and.. well.. dashed, again to Orchard MRT to meet up with the pack of bear-selling people. Unexpectedly, two not-so-unfamiliar faces popped by at that place. Yuan You Wei and Marcus Lim. Yep, the self-proclaimed "The Prodigies" is in town, alright. Well.. after a momentary chit-chats and blahs, disciple Marcus decided to try to fend off his boredom at my house. Was it successful, sheesh I have no idea man, cuz methinks my house's boring as hell. I let him play Winning Eleven ps2 game, while I went on to read my online-downloaded comic books.. shhh don't go telling anyone aight. 8pm was then when he left my house. After sending.. err.. seeing Marcus off, I was supposed to meet Nich to buy foodstuff and whatnot for the chalet BBQ. 8.40pm Nich came with Evelyn and Siew Fong. We browsed Isetan's supermarket to find the miscellaneous items but couldn't find any. We thought of looking someplace else, but the time was already 8.50pm. The nearest Cold Storage was at Taka. We had thought that it would close by 9pm, so.. yep, I dashed there, alright. I ran and ran like nobody's business, finally arriving at my final stop. 8.59pm! I made it! How incredulously marvellous! Bleh. Mission was not accomplished yet, still got to buy those few items. I asked of the "aunties" there what time would that place close, and she said it was 9.30pm. I was like "..." for a second and proceeded on buying the stuff. Minutes later we were ready to go. Firestarters? Checked. Wire gauze? Checked. 10 dozens sausages? Checked. Half-ruined chicken wings? Checked..hehe. 9.30pm we decided to take a cab where we would cast off Evelyn and Siew Fong near their house there at Toa Payoh and advance to Sentosa. What a choice of words. Anyway. We waited for the taxi BEHIND a taxi-stand, in an area where vehicles musn't stop. Yes we were dumb. We were dumb, but desperate. Futilely we waved at every passing cab. Half an hour of frustation later, we still didn't manage to find a cab (obviously).

So they decided to call for a cab. 10 mins later, the cab came to sight, the driver waved at us, and fucking drove past. We thought he'd make a turn but even until 15 mins later he didn't show up. WHAT AN ASSWIPE!! _l_ for you uncle! Grr. Called another cab. Cab arrived alright, but this time we complained and complained till uncle's head gonna burst (probably). Poor uncle. Time was 10.20pm. It was so late at night already! Poor chicken wings must be dead by now. As in.. spoilt. It was quite a long drive to Sentosa. The uncle turned out to be another dumbf***, he got all of us lost someplace so I and Nich had to get down to check the map. Meanwhile, fare-meter rised quickly. 10 mins later we sorta got onto the right place. Fare-meter showed an eye-popping, pocket burning number; $21.10. Time was 11.15pm. Plain screwed. And by the way, after the taxi passed Sentosa's entrance there, I felt something.. that was not quite alright. Like suddenly the atmosphere calloused around me and I couldn't properly breathe. Well since most of you think it's a load of crap, I'll pass. 11.15pm we arrived at Palawan beach and walked our weary legs towards this not-so-grandeur Holiday Chalet. Jori and Akarad were waiting for us there and helped us carry the bothersome bags of food. 5 mins walk and we arrived at destination. Wowzee, buncha new faces. I didn't know anyone else there beside Nich, Akarad and Jori.. then there was one face I recognize but had not seen for a long, long time. Imelda. Gasp! Long time no see you, gal! How you been? We were both shocked, alright, lol. Crazy Akarad started up the BBQ again (it was near midnight) while I called for a rest.

The people all feasted on the food Nich and I brought. To my surprise, they finished all of the food, except for Nich's chicken wings, which we expected to be quite "dead". A few wandering-arounds, chit-chats and blahs and then it was 2.30am. All of them were upstairs, gathered in a room. Nich and I and this mysterious guy called Jason were downstairs, watching the game Jason was playing (Legend of Legaia 2), until Nich and I got bored and joined the people upstairs. The bunch in the room were actually telling ghostly tales among each other, lol. Here I got to know a few people.. one loud-spoken girl whose name I can't remember.. this small boy called Ritz (nice name, dude).. and Jori's brother, Grayson.. and these other 2 small girls. I guess there were other people around that I didn't see that day (Yanwen - Karad's gf, and Connie - Jori's gf), there simply were too many new faces to remember. They kept telling each other ghost stories, with me as the main host, until one by one fallen asleep. I was among the select few who lasted the longest, I slept at 6am. At 8.30am, I was awakened by random noises here and there. The canoeing juniors were late for their training so they rushed up and stuff, bouncing on and off of the bed I was sleeping on. Hell, I might as well wake up. 11am, Nich and I went off from Sentosa cuz Nich had to go for job interview while I had my own plan; go home and get some proper rest. At home, I slept all the way till 4.30pm. Met Nicholas at 6.30pm and took a cab there again cuz we're tired as hell. Well at least Nich is, he didn't sleep last night. Arrived at Holiday Chalet soon thereafter; only $9.70 this time. It was the same routine as yesterday, with most of them asleep by 2am.

Morning came and I was the official morning-alarm-er. Thanks to the powerfully-enhanced-sound-booster in my beloved Nokia 7610, the alarm had them all awaken 10 mins after it rang. We were supposed to check off by 8am. After we checked off we had our breakfast at Harbourfront's Mac's. Then we went to watch movie at Balestier Shaw (!!?) namely Blade: Trinity. An NC-16 movie. All of us went except Nich and Ritz. We watched at Balestier Shaw cuz we thought we could sneak in some of our below 16 friends. UNFORTUNATELY. Stupid fat granny demanded that each of us show our ID card. And I just lost my wallet and all my EZ-links in it. And she still demanded that I show it to her to show that I'm eligible to watch the show. WTF!? I'm 17, yet was not allowed to watch an NC-16 movie?? Oh, I can even taste the very patheticness of it. This is so sad. After a few "diplomatic" convincings, fat granny was convinced. However, only me, Akarad, Jori and Imelda could buy the ticket. Yanwen, Connie, Grayson and the loud-voiced girl couldn't buy the tix cuz they are below 16. So the 4 under-agers (I invent my own vocabs, so shut up) bought 4 tix for the show The Incredibles instead, which happened to be playing exactly at the same time as Blade: Trinity. So up the stairs they simply switched teather. Alright, Blade: Trinity wasn't nearly as satisfying as I had expected. I would probably be more contented to watch The Incredibles had I known about this earlier. Anyway. Took a cab home with Akarad afterwards.. just like the old times.. and had a good, proper rest at home.

This chalet had of course made me happier, considering that previously, only negative events took place in my life, such as - rotting at home alone in Indo, the reopening of school, lost of my wallet. But as I said at the beginning of my entry, it's good that's why it's bad. Things that make you happy are things that will make you sad. If you are happy, you're inevitably bound to be sad. That being as much as I can explain, the rest is up to you to figure out.

Sidenote: I am sorry to hear what has happened to Nich's grandfather. He's passed away, but he's passed away gloriously and regretless I can tell. So cheer up dude, he's in a better place now.

Bad, bad Tuesday...

2004-12-07T17:31:00.000-08:00

Monday

Oh man, finally (and unfortunately) my sch has been reopened.. damn! Everyday got to wake up early again.. sigh. Went with Aris take cabbie to sch.. went there early to add/drop subjects.. and to book table and lockers before everyone else snatch em.. then 2pm all of us went to Temasek Convention Centre.. err it's just this one big hall inside Temasek Poly. Listen to Moses talk for 1 hr.. ZzZ.. then 5pm left school meet Chee Ee, Nich and Evelyn.. help them sell bear.. then I was surprised to see Yongkang there.. also selling bear.. haha. Wow so tired.. when I reach home I felt like jump onto the bed and dream away...

Today

HaiZz.. hmm.. today.. after school went to watch movie at Tampines Mall with my bro bernard.. wah he so yandao, almost never recognize him.. haha.. okok the movie was.. SHUTTER.. ok la not scary la.. unlike Juon 2 or The Eye 1.. haha.. after the show... the most unfortunate thing happened.. I lost my bloody wallet! Wahh I think there was $60 inside.. wahh heart pain.. why am I so clumsy! One little wallet also cannot keep properly.. okok.. then went to fill in the lost-item form in the cinema office.. after that I realize.. how the hell imma gonna go home.. I was totally penniless couldnt even afford to go into a pay public toilet once.. but Ber wanna give me his coins.. although he only left 2 bucks in his wallet.. wahh I'm so touched =) thanks ya bro. but I realize my house was too far from there.. luckily my dad was around that area.. so he drove me home. I've learned a lesson: keep your wallet safely, as you would to your lyfe.

Close our eyes, pretend to fly

2004-12-05T23:46:00.000-08:00

Hilowz.. I am back to Singapore! Fweuhh finally huh.. okie.. today went out with my "juniors"! Kk actually yesterday I was so bored that I decided.. "tmr gotta go out!" so.. go ask Nich if he's watched The Incredibles already.. and yea he already watched.. but he said he wouldn't mind watching da second tyme.. so.. today.. I went out at 4.30pm to buy the tix first.. cuz by that time it was already 50% full.. that was so worrying.. actually wanna go 77th street with Chee Ee first but smsed him he still sleeping.. lol. Anywayz.. I errr sort of ran to Lido to buy the tix.. bought for 7 people.. at Lido I met my poly friend Shirlene.. I called her, then she looked at me, puzzled. Haha! She didn't recognize me.. she was analyzing me for like a few seconds.. then I said "I'm..er... Albert?" then she gave the "!" look then said that I look so different! Haha.. must be my dyed hair and new hairstyle.. well not really new hairstyle.. cuz I didn't have any hairstyle all along.. kk then after that.. Go and find Nich at Orchard MRT.. wah he say he at entrance of Wisma.. then go look n search n look around there and saw no sign of him.. called him then he say he's at the staircase to Orchard MRT popular -_-" haha at there also meet Cheryl Lim aka HOT and Sarah.. well I sort of knew Sarah but didn't know her name.. haha sorry yeah.. then after while Cheryl n Sarah kicked me n Nich away.. we lonesome-ly go to HMV.. then go n meet Akarad there.. wahh! Akarad you suddenly so tall yeah.. haha.. then after that meet Chee Ee at Orchard MRT at ard 6.30pm.. the movie ish at 7pm and gonna start le.. Me, Nich, Akarad, Chee Ee go to Lido first cuz Cheryl and Sarah still gotta work til 7pm.. Kk reach Lido buy Mac's.. while waiting for the 2 charbors and Ryy.. 7.10pm.. Ryan called.. ask us go to Whellock?? Hello? Movie already started 10 mins ago.. lol.. told him if he doesn't come now we gonna stick his tix into Ronald McDonald's ass and ask him to collect it there.. mwahaha.. 7.15 all of them reach n we proceed to Theater 7..

When we entered, the movie was already playing (obviously) thanks to somebody coming late! *glares* kk we found out that our seats been taken by some unsightly group of oldies.. hehe.. we told them thats our seats then they move.. except for this small boy.. he didnt want to move.. what the hell.. luckily got extra seat behind the row.. alrite the movie was actually NICE although it's only a cartoon show.. I'll give it a 7.6/10 hmm... after the movie we went to Whellock find Ryy's friend Gina.. after Ryy and Karad flirting they went to my house.. borrow Devil May Cry 2 Ps2 game.. for them to play at the chalet tmr.. wahh lao got chalet so nice! 5 days somemore.. they all ask me if I wanna come.. of coz I want to.. if only my sch doesnt start 2MORROW!? K lahz if I come sure got ppl not happy cuz they dunno me I dunno them... haha.. sigh.. anyways I'm logging off here.. got to go to fkin stupid sch tmr.. how unluckly of me! Sobz x7..